Grandmothers

Today I met my friend's grandma. She invited me over to meet her mom and grandma and to share a meal with them. This friend has turned out to be a God-send but that is another blog

When I walked in and met "Granny", I felt like I was looking in my grandmother's face. Granny was feisty and fun and didn't bite her tongue in any way. She was loving and demanding; the type of demanding that comes with age and wisdom. I felt like I was talking to my grandmother.

Talking with Granny made me realize all grandmothers are they same, no matter what the race. They all think they know what is best for you, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. They feel they can say ANYTHING to you about you and your life. It isn't important if your feelings are hurt or not; they are telling you because it is for "your own good, M'ija!". Those are universal words.

So give your grandmother a big hug today and tell her you love her!

It's Over for Now

Well I had my surgery on Friday. I survived. I am at home and doing quite well. They took out a 4 pound tumor from my body, 10 centimenters around and they did it laproscopically. The wonders of medicine. It was a benign tumor that started out on my kidney and spread to the muscles on the right side of my back. He was able to keep my kidney and prevent me from being paralyzed. It wasn't cancerous so that is good news, but I still have to have chemotherapy for 3 months. I still hate the fact that I have to have chemo, but it is better than getting a death sentance.

I have to say my oncology surgeon is a hottie. He came from Houston just to do my surgery. He told me that I sent Hurricane Rita to Houston just to make sure he showed up for the surgery. This type of humor put me at ease. The fact that he is GUAPO had absolutely nothing to do with it. I love him! He made me no promises, but gave me hope when I thought there was none.

My boo came from Miami to the hospital and has not left my side. He is always the type to put his job before anything. So let's just say it was a surprise, a VERY pleasant, surprise for me nonetheless. He has been like a rock; my champion when I was having difficulty after the surgery. I thought he wasn't the type I could depend on, but he proved me wrong. Hey Karla, I think the DR men are better!

So it is on to chemotherapy next week. So it is on to hair loss, puking, diarrhea and fatigue. Ain't life WONDERFUL!

Music

Okay...have you ever just LOVED a song so much but you DO NOT know the name of it? Well, I am loving this one reggaeton song, but I can't figure out the name of it. And of course they play it on a brand new station here that doesn't have a DJ yet. I have become obsessed with this song. The only part I know is "Mejor que yo". That is ALL I know. It has a fast beat and then it slows down.

I am appealing to all my Latino people out there...WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT DAYUM SONG?!

Response to Reese about New Orleans

I wanted to respond to my girl Reese regarding her comments on New Orleans. Reese, have you ever lived there? Have you ever been there when there wasn't a festival or some major convention happening? I have. I lived there for 2 years, so I know what it is like to be there day after day. If you haven't, then you don't KNOW the real New Orleans. You CANNOT go by what you have seen on TV the past few weeks.

New Orleans has survived hundreds of hurricanes since it has been in existance and there was no reason to believe it wouldn't survive this one. The government for whatever reason decided not to spend the needed money to reinforce the levees that surround the city, but that is neither here nor there. It is where it is and I hope it stays. I just hope they decide to build the levees stronger. Every city has poverty and crime and New Orleans isn't any different. In my previous post, I was mourning for the city that I know/knew and love, not discussing the socioeconmics of the city. I could go into the politics of the city, but I won't. It is difficult for someone from the "North" to understand the thoughts and outlook of the people from the "South". We may seem oppressed and out of touch with the progressive ways of the "North", but we like it that way. "Seem" being the operational word.

Reese, yes I hope New Orleans is able to rebuild and be a better city, but I hope in the process that it doesn't lose its "essence" and if that includes poverty and crime then so be it. Washington, DC has the highest division of socio-economic differences, with very little "middle ground", so you should look in your own backyard first for changes. By the way, Miami has a HIGH crime rate too, but you were willing to move there, so you need to give New Orleans a break.

I love New Orleans the way it was and I am mourning for my city that I love and KNOW very well!

New Orleans

Hurricane Katrina from space

It has taken me a while to talk about what has happened in New Orleans. I have truly been in shock and dismayed by what has happened there. My grandparents used to live there and my grandmother still owns the house there, so New Orleans has very special meaning for me. I have been deeply saddened and upset by it all. I think the media showed too much of what was going on there, but me, like many other people, was glued to the TV. I would sob every time they would show the streets where I played with my cousins as a kid, the streets where I watched my first Mardi Gras Parades, the place where I got married to young, had my first job as a nurse at Charity Hospital, and the streets where I had my first alcoholic drink. Yes, I rank my first alcoholic beverage right up there with all my significant firsts! I remember every Sunday was brunch, beignets, hot chocolate and cafe au laits after Mass. Cafe du Monde, a sidewalk cafe reminisant of a Parisian cafe, has survived many a hurricane. Will it survive this one? My heart breaks everytime I think about it. The memories running through my head like a movie. I can't stop them and I don't really want to because that might be all I have left of the city I love so much.

What happened to the city that held so much joy for me? Right after Hurricane Katrina, I was worried about my family members that are still there. Some had left town on Saturday, but most stayed behind because they thought they could "ride" it out. No word from them for days. What scary moments those were. My grand uncle, who is 76 years old, walked the 80 miles from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, with his family. He refused to go to the Superdome, which I am so glad he refused, after hearing all the vicious things that occurred there. He said that if he survived World War II, he was going to be damned if he died in a Hurricane. He always kept 5 or 6 backpacks filled with MREs, water, flashlights, and first aid kits. Everyone laughed at him, but who is laughing now?! He survived, he and his family. No one really thought this hurricane would be a bad one. They thought it would be like all the hurricanes before. But Katrina surprised us all.

All of my family survived and are in safe places, but I think about those that didn't. I have some disappointment with the response of the government, but not overwhelming anger. I am pissed that they didn't carry out the disaster plan they created, specifically with New Orleans in mind. Why didn't they?! It was all outlined what needed to happen. Isn't it better to be safe than sorry, like we all are now? What was the point of doing all those exercises and drills? Was it a waste of tax payer money and volunteer time? I am beginning to think so. It makes me wonder are we safe from the so called terrorists. All that planning, will it be a waste of time should another September 11 occur?
Here are some pictures of my favorite places in New Orleans, that hold my fondest memories.

Bourbon Street

Natchez Riverboat on the Mississippi River

St.Louis Cathedral in the Vieux Carre

Super Dome

I pray that it can get back to it's former glory and distinction. I have plenty more Mardi Gras Parades, Jazz Festivals and Bayou Classics to attention. I LOVE YOU NEW ORLEANS!!

It will be okay!

My surgery has been rescheduled for Friday, September 23rd. The pain is killing me. The tumor on my kidney has attached itself on the nerves and muscles in my back. So, I have the possibility of being paralyzed also. Supposedly it is a day surgery with an overnight hospital stay. Then the next week will be the beginning of chemotherapy. It is a bit scary...well hell... a lot scary! I am trying REALLY hard to believe it will all be okay. It really isn't the surgery that scares me; it is AFTER surgery. I HATE chemo. To me, it is worse than the disease. The puking, the hair falling out, the dry, crazy looking skin, looking like death walking. I HATE being sick, feeling bad all the time. Is it worth it? It is all crappy! Then I am told I may have to do radiation therapy too. What da F?? Oh man, that in itself is enough to make me say forget it. I will take my chances. But I know I have to do everything I can to make it. I have a kid to finish raising, so I have to face my fears and do what I have to do.
It will be okay!

Miami Pics

Here are some of the pics from my Miami trip back in August. I had so much fun. It was so relaxing and refreshing. I am trying to plan the next trip. October/November is looking good to me.


Sailing This picture makes me wish I could be on that boat sailing away


Ocean Breezes My beach chair and umbrella kept the breezes coming


Grouchy's Pretend Baby This was the cutest little girl ever


View from my hotel room Fountainbleu Hotel...I will be back soon


Grouchy in a smiley moment No she isn't topless!















Me taking a nip of Mango Rum on the Beach...The good stuff...Cruzan














Our pretend house in Miami...I will have one of those for real one day!

I'M BACK...AGAIN!!

Okay. I finally broke down and purchased a new desktop computer. My laptop is still messed up, but I needed something to get online!

I am doing good. I am staying positive and trying to be hopeful. Houston wasn't so bad. I am going to have to have surgery to remove the tumor. Then it is chemo again. I wasn't given much hope, but at least this doctor is willing to try.

All of this is going to take place the first week in October. So be thinking about me on October 5th.

Tupac

Most of my friends know about my obsession with Tupac Shakur. When I am tipsy, oh hell, let's just say drunk...I listen to his Greatest Hits CD continuously. Needless to say I have to rap to the pieces that I know.

Today, I decided to listen to his CD on my way to work. I usually don't because I get angry and then I will be a pissed off sista all day at work. But today was different. I was listening to "Keep Your Head Up" and I started sobbing in my car. It was like he was talking directly to me. I have heard this song I know a million times but it was like today was the first time I really "heard" the words. I feel like I have been struggling for so long. Now things are soooo much better for me, financially and emotionally, and here I am "sick" again. But today Tupac was telling me to stay strong and don't give up.

I was depressed most of the weekend. Feeling sorry for myself and my situation. I felt like why should I keep fighting, when it may or may not work. I think the anxiety of not knowing "what" they are going to do when I go to Houston and then what will happen when I come back home is starting to get to me. I am usually not this pessimistic but this time I am having a hard time dealing with it all.

But I am going to try to do as Tupac says...Keep my head up and keep going even when I am knocked down.

Karla Got me AGAIN!!

Seven Things I…Plan to Do Before I Die: This one is a little bittersweet
1.) Travel to Cuba to walk where my grandparents walked before me
2.) Hang with the Original Sucias from the retreat again(You know who you are), including Karla, Trina and Shelley
3.) Meet Ann Richards
4.) Have a decent conversation with my mother
5.) Stop working but still have money to live on
6.) Own a House
7.) Be on South Beach when I close my eyes for the final time

Things I Can Do:
1.) Cook
2.) Not talk for hours
3.) Sew and knit...anything crafty
4.) Dance
5.) Listen to my friends' problems
6.) LOVE easily
7.) CARE TOO MUCH at times

Things I Can’t Do:
1.) Ask for help when I need it
2.) Live without my cell phone
3.) Keep a big balance in my checking account
4.) Hang up curtains in my house
5.) Say no to my daughter
6.) Drive Slow - I have a lead foot
7.) Live without my computer

Things I say most:
1.) That sucks
2.) Shit
3.) the F word
4.) Whatever man
5.) YEAH MAN!!
6.) GEEZ!!
7.) GURRRRLLLL PUHLEEZE

Now I tag Shelley, Tannia, Gloria, and Daashar

Something about me

Since I have depressed everyone in the Blog world...I thought I would put up something fun today. I will be putting up my Miami pictures as soon as I get to a computer that works in my house. I still don't have my laptop working, but that is another blog!

Here is a little something about me:

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Hmmm .... It is hard to decide but I am going to go for Miami...It is international feeling without being out of the USA.

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
Anything baggy.

3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Emancipation of Mimi!! I am LOVING that CD

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
I don't sleep! But when I do, 6:30 am

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Adventures in Babysitting and Clueless

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Guitar

7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Purple

8. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
SUV - RANGE ROVER!!

9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Sometimes

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Chicken Little...You know..."The sky is falling, the sky is falling!!" LMAO

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Spring/Summer

12. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Lie detector power

13. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
I had a partial tattoo of a butterfly but I had it taken off. That is how all my problems started!

14. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
If you are talking about objects, NO...but if you are talking about time, YES

15. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?My husband, Rod

16. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Saturday

17. SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hey I am from Texas, so it is definitely HAMBURGER

18. FAVORITE FLOWER?
Daisies

19. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
YES!!

20. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM JOB?
Having enough money to not HAVE to work any kind of JOB!!

21. FAVORITE MEAL?
Fried Chicken, Mashed potatos and green beans

Now I tag Gloria, Grouchy, Jo, Karla, Shelley, Tannia, and Reese. And Reese you HAVE to tag someone!! lol

Besos Mis amigas!

Untitled!!

Here is the latest on me. I just spoke to my oncologist and she has decided to send me to Houston to the M.D.Anderson Cancer Center. The problem is that she does know what kind I have and MD is better equipped to take care of me. I will be going there on next Friday to see what kind of treatment they can provide.

I am going to have to fly back and forth from Dallas to Houston, which will be a pain in the A**, but I will get some good frequent flyer miles. :) I can plan my next beach trip.

So let's hope they can give me something more positive news. Chemo is worse than the disease itself. It is an awful process and I hope I don't have to do it again, but I guess I will if they recommend it. I guess I am getting ahead of myself.

I will just wait and see what happens next.

Trip to Regroup

I am in sunny Miami right now. I came here on Friday night. I had been planning this trip for about a month. But as I got my bad news about my...and I can't even say it...I decided to take this trip as a way to regroup and refresh myself to get ready for the battle I know I have coming up.

I went to go see my guy, who lives there, but he had to go on a last minute trip to Spain. Grouchy was in Miami and we just hung out together. Each of us with our own personal battles to deal with. But is was nice to be there with a friend.

As I sat on the beach earlier this morning, I thought how beautiful this place is, how revitalizing it can be. The ocean is so healing. It makes me feel like anything is possible when I look at the beauty of the ocean. I will post pictures later.

I am getting ready to head back to Texas and my life there, but it is GREAT to forget about your problems around the ocean.

Karla, girl, I didn't see any good men in MIA this time, but I am going to keep looking for you. LMAO...I am going to find you a nice Cubano, in exchange for your GUAPO primo! LOL.

Back to the real world and my life.

It's back

Well I have discovered I have a different tumor growing inside of me this time. This time it can't be treated. No chemo, no radiation, no surgery. So I sit here in shock but also a bit resigned to my fate. I have been through 4 1/2 years of chemo, off and on, go into remission and then out again.

I am not afraid for me, but for my daughter, who really needs me now. I feel cheated. I am going to try to make our time together as wonderful as possible. I am going to try to fight as long as I can, but I am really TIRED!

I want to cry but I know crying will not solve anything or make IT go away...so I am resolved to make my time left as memorable as possible.

I'm It AGAIN!!!

"List ten songs you are currently digging....it doesn't matter what genre, or if they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists and the tens songs on your Blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to."

I don't know if I can think of Ten Songs...

1. Ivy Queen and Nina Sky's collabo ---don't know the name of it. lol
2. La Cama Voy - Ivy Queen-- I don't know if that is the correct title. LOL
3. La Tortura - Shakira
4. No me dejes solo- Daddy Yankee
5. Say Somethin' - Mariah Carey and Snoop Dogg
6. Gin n Juice - Snoop Dogg --- sorry I had to go old school on you. :)
7. Ocean Ave - Yellow Card
8. Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
9. Dear Mama - Tupac Shakur
10. Will and Jada's song together - don't know the name lol

I tag Marissa, Emile, Shelley, and Michael. I think everyone else has been tagged. :)

Growing up

I have a 14 year old daughter who started high school this week. This has been a scary time for both me and her. For her, it is meeting new people, making friends, the "differentness" of high school. For me, it is her meeting new people (getting in with the wrong crowd), can she handle the stress/peer pressure, and her not needing me as much as she used to. She has also been home schooled for the past 6 months, so it is getting back into a more structured environment. I realized that the baby I held in my arms 14 1/2 years ago is, indeed, growing up.

It is so hard as a parent to let go. I know I have to but it is killing me. I am a control freak anyway so that makes things worse. I gave her a task to change a class on her schedule. I was a nervous wreak that she wouldn't do it right. I tried not to "drill" it into her, but of course I did. I asked her if she wanted me to go in with her and her response was "if you want to." That cracked my heart. I wanted her to say, "yes! please help me!" I resisted going in with her. She called me later and said she did it with no problems. *sigh*...it is ending so soon.

She and I have a good relationship. She pretty much tells me everything, but I am afraid that will end with high school. There is so much loss going on during this time. It makes me think that my "parenting/training" time for her is ending soon. I am just not sure that I like this time period. I think I have done a good job so far, but my biggest fear is that she will be hurt at some point in time. Whether it is by a "boy", or friends, I don't want her to feel the hurt and pain that sometimes comes with relationships. I know I can't protect her from life's trials and hardships all the time and she needs the pain to learn from, but I don't like it!

Well I guess I need to get over it because I can't stop her from growing up, but I sure wish I could slow it down a bit.

Tag! You are IT!

It appears I have been tagged by mi amiga Marissa, so I am forced to answer these questions.

What were you doing 5yrs ago? I just moved back from Washington, DC to Dallas after a BAD breakup and started working for Wyndham International.

Yesterday? Trying to cope with my everyday BS

5 snacks I enjoy? COOKIES, Guacamole, any kind of chips, almonds, ICE CREAM (Dulce de leche)!

5 songs I know all the words to? Bidi Bidi Bom Bom and No Me Queda Mas (Selena), Hero (Mariah Carey), Ben (Michael Jackson), and Crush on You (Jets). Don't laugh, I LOVED The Jets!Sorry I am dating myself there. LMAO

5 things I'd do with a million dollars? QUIT work and tell them to kiss my fat, black ass (opps got carried away there), Buy a nice house, buy my Range Rover, and take some nice vacations/trips

5 bad habits I have? Overeating, stressing over small stuff, tuning people out, cursing (I have a mouth like a sailor), and not hugging my kid enough.

5 favorite TV shows? Nip/Tuck, Kevin Hill, Gilmore Girls, ER, and CSI Miami

5 biggest joys of the moment? What moment? If you mean now, at this time...knowing I am getting off in an hour and 45mins, payday, my daughter and my friends.

5 favorite toys? Is that a naughty question (lmao)? ummm no toys if it is! I don't have any! lmao. But I have to say my Wifi, my PDA, my notebook computer, my DSL internet and my NEW CAR!!

Okay I tag Shelley and Tannia! Your turn ladies! lmao

Computers

Well, my trusty laptop has no more energy left. I haven't been able to get online from home the last week and 1/2. The battery for my laptop won't charge up anymore so I have been without a computer and internet. Now I have already established I am an internet addict, so you know I have NOT been happy.

I have a Dell computer. Dell's are very good computers, but I have had constant problems with my AC cord and my battery for my laptop. I have found out that my particular laptop has been discontinued, even though it is only 2 years old. To replace the battery costs almost as much as a new computer. I have also found out that Dell's computers are put together with parts made in different places. I know most computers are made that way but I think this is a MAJOR flaw in Dell computers. I am not sure if they have made the pieces "fit" well together.

So I am trying to determine if I am going to buy a new laptop or just buy the battery for the one that I have already. I have to make up my mind soon because I can't stand not having my computer. Toshiba is looking good to me right about now!

CARS!!

Range Rover

If I could have any vehicle I wanted...this would be it. I live by the Land Rover dealership and I pass by it everyday. I see these awesome vehicles sitting on the lot and I WANT one really bad. One of my friends has one. I love driving it when I get the opportunity. The ride is so smooth, it is like riding in a cloud. They have crappy gas mileage and cost the same amount as a house, but I still want one.

To me this is the ultimate driving experience. I know I will probably never get one without a sugar daddy, but it never hurts to dream does it?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It's my birthday

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Today is my 38th birthday! Dayum where did the time go? I can remember like it was yesterday, when I was 8, 18, and 28. Inside I don't feel 38. I want to stop the clock. I feel like I am running out of time to do the things I have always wanted to do. I also feel like I haven't planned well for the future. I am really a live for today kinda person. With 40 being 2 years away, I need to do better to plan for my future.

I had a trip to NYC planned to go celebrate my birthday, but everyday life stepped in and ruined that, so I spent my day doing nothing and was perfectly happy doing it. I finished reading the 6th installment of Harry Potter. I did treat myself to dinner but nothing fancy.

So this is what 38 feels like? Oh man, I am gonna hate 40!!