Friday, August 19, 2005

It's back

Well I have discovered I have a different tumor growing inside of me this time. This time it can't be treated. No chemo, no radiation, no surgery. So I sit here in shock but also a bit resigned to my fate. I have been through 4 1/2 years of chemo, off and on, go into remission and then out again.

I am not afraid for me, but for my daughter, who really needs me now. I feel cheated. I am going to try to make our time together as wonderful as possible. I am going to try to fight as long as I can, but I am really TIRED!

I want to cry but I know crying will not solve anything or make IT go away...so I am resolved to make my time left as memorable as possible.

9 comments:

Joanne said...

Jesus! When did they determine all of this?! Are they sure? What about NIH? We'll talk, but I think you know how I feel... so sorry hon.

CubanDiva said...

Daahsar,
I have cried so many tears over the years, I don't have anymore I think. Thanks so much for your kind words.

Reese The Law Girl said...

Oh, Kim. I can't believe this!! I'm actually speechless right now. I don't know what to say.

What I do know, is that I honestly believe that there will be a time when we no longer have to deal with these times. I know we all have our own religous beliefs, but I firmly believe what is stated in Revelations 21:4-

"And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."

Truly in my heart, I believe that such a wonderful time will come. And, I do believe, that we will all have the opportunity to see it. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family, Kim. E-mail me if you need to talk. Also, I used to work at NIH's Clinical Center, so if you have any questions let me know.

Joanne said...

Reese, that is a beautiful passage. Thanks so much for sharing it.

CubanDiva said...

Thanks so much Reese to sharing that with me!

Karla said...

Kim, omg i am also speechless and i really don't know what to say.

I wish i could give you a hug right now and take you out for some dulce de leche ice cream and a view of hot men :)

chica you know you can email or im me whenever you wish i am always here if you need someone to talk to.

Reese that is a beautiful passage.

You are always in my prayers.

Desiree said...

Wow Kim. I'm a bit late here too. Just sending you love, and prayers. I hope your miami trip went well.

take care.

CubanDiva said...

Thanks Loca and Dez! I appreciate it!

CubanDiva said...

Thanks Karla! You know that cute cousin of yours cheers me right up. LOL