Tupac

Most of my friends know about my obsession with Tupac Shakur. When I am tipsy, oh hell, let's just say drunk...I listen to his Greatest Hits CD continuously. Needless to say I have to rap to the pieces that I know.

Today, I decided to listen to his CD on my way to work. I usually don't because I get angry and then I will be a pissed off sista all day at work. But today was different. I was listening to "Keep Your Head Up" and I started sobbing in my car. It was like he was talking directly to me. I have heard this song I know a million times but it was like today was the first time I really "heard" the words. I feel like I have been struggling for so long. Now things are soooo much better for me, financially and emotionally, and here I am "sick" again. But today Tupac was telling me to stay strong and don't give up.

I was depressed most of the weekend. Feeling sorry for myself and my situation. I felt like why should I keep fighting, when it may or may not work. I think the anxiety of not knowing "what" they are going to do when I go to Houston and then what will happen when I come back home is starting to get to me. I am usually not this pessimistic but this time I am having a hard time dealing with it all.

But I am going to try to do as Tupac says...Keep my head up and keep going even when I am knocked down.

Karla Got me AGAIN!!

Seven Things I…Plan to Do Before I Die: This one is a little bittersweet
1.) Travel to Cuba to walk where my grandparents walked before me
2.) Hang with the Original Sucias from the retreat again(You know who you are), including Karla, Trina and Shelley
3.) Meet Ann Richards
4.) Have a decent conversation with my mother
5.) Stop working but still have money to live on
6.) Own a House
7.) Be on South Beach when I close my eyes for the final time

Things I Can Do:
1.) Cook
2.) Not talk for hours
3.) Sew and knit...anything crafty
4.) Dance
5.) Listen to my friends' problems
6.) LOVE easily
7.) CARE TOO MUCH at times

Things I Can’t Do:
1.) Ask for help when I need it
2.) Live without my cell phone
3.) Keep a big balance in my checking account
4.) Hang up curtains in my house
5.) Say no to my daughter
6.) Drive Slow - I have a lead foot
7.) Live without my computer

Things I say most:
1.) That sucks
2.) Shit
3.) the F word
4.) Whatever man
5.) YEAH MAN!!
6.) GEEZ!!
7.) GURRRRLLLL PUHLEEZE

Now I tag Shelley, Tannia, Gloria, and Daashar

Something about me

Since I have depressed everyone in the Blog world...I thought I would put up something fun today. I will be putting up my Miami pictures as soon as I get to a computer that works in my house. I still don't have my laptop working, but that is another blog!

Here is a little something about me:

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Hmmm .... It is hard to decide but I am going to go for Miami...It is international feeling without being out of the USA.

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
Anything baggy.

3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Emancipation of Mimi!! I am LOVING that CD

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
I don't sleep! But when I do, 6:30 am

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Adventures in Babysitting and Clueless

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Guitar

7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Purple

8. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
SUV - RANGE ROVER!!

9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Sometimes

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Chicken Little...You know..."The sky is falling, the sky is falling!!" LMAO

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Spring/Summer

12. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Lie detector power

13. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
I had a partial tattoo of a butterfly but I had it taken off. That is how all my problems started!

14. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
If you are talking about objects, NO...but if you are talking about time, YES

15. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?My husband, Rod

16. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Saturday

17. SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hey I am from Texas, so it is definitely HAMBURGER

18. FAVORITE FLOWER?
Daisies

19. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
YES!!

20. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM JOB?
Having enough money to not HAVE to work any kind of JOB!!

21. FAVORITE MEAL?
Fried Chicken, Mashed potatos and green beans

Now I tag Gloria, Grouchy, Jo, Karla, Shelley, Tannia, and Reese. And Reese you HAVE to tag someone!! lol

Besos Mis amigas!

Untitled!!

Here is the latest on me. I just spoke to my oncologist and she has decided to send me to Houston to the M.D.Anderson Cancer Center. The problem is that she does know what kind I have and MD is better equipped to take care of me. I will be going there on next Friday to see what kind of treatment they can provide.

I am going to have to fly back and forth from Dallas to Houston, which will be a pain in the A**, but I will get some good frequent flyer miles. :) I can plan my next beach trip.

So let's hope they can give me something more positive news. Chemo is worse than the disease itself. It is an awful process and I hope I don't have to do it again, but I guess I will if they recommend it. I guess I am getting ahead of myself.

I will just wait and see what happens next.

Trip to Regroup

I am in sunny Miami right now. I came here on Friday night. I had been planning this trip for about a month. But as I got my bad news about my...and I can't even say it...I decided to take this trip as a way to regroup and refresh myself to get ready for the battle I know I have coming up.

I went to go see my guy, who lives there, but he had to go on a last minute trip to Spain. Grouchy was in Miami and we just hung out together. Each of us with our own personal battles to deal with. But is was nice to be there with a friend.

As I sat on the beach earlier this morning, I thought how beautiful this place is, how revitalizing it can be. The ocean is so healing. It makes me feel like anything is possible when I look at the beauty of the ocean. I will post pictures later.

I am getting ready to head back to Texas and my life there, but it is GREAT to forget about your problems around the ocean.

Karla, girl, I didn't see any good men in MIA this time, but I am going to keep looking for you. LMAO...I am going to find you a nice Cubano, in exchange for your GUAPO primo! LOL.

Back to the real world and my life.

It's back

Well I have discovered I have a different tumor growing inside of me this time. This time it can't be treated. No chemo, no radiation, no surgery. So I sit here in shock but also a bit resigned to my fate. I have been through 4 1/2 years of chemo, off and on, go into remission and then out again.

I am not afraid for me, but for my daughter, who really needs me now. I feel cheated. I am going to try to make our time together as wonderful as possible. I am going to try to fight as long as I can, but I am really TIRED!

I want to cry but I know crying will not solve anything or make IT go away...so I am resolved to make my time left as memorable as possible.

I'm It AGAIN!!!

"List ten songs you are currently digging....it doesn't matter what genre, or if they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists and the tens songs on your Blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to."

I don't know if I can think of Ten Songs...

1. Ivy Queen and Nina Sky's collabo ---don't know the name of it. lol
2. La Cama Voy - Ivy Queen-- I don't know if that is the correct title. LOL
3. La Tortura - Shakira
4. No me dejes solo- Daddy Yankee
5. Say Somethin' - Mariah Carey and Snoop Dogg
6. Gin n Juice - Snoop Dogg --- sorry I had to go old school on you. :)
7. Ocean Ave - Yellow Card
8. Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
9. Dear Mama - Tupac Shakur
10. Will and Jada's song together - don't know the name lol

I tag Marissa, Emile, Shelley, and Michael. I think everyone else has been tagged. :)

Growing up

I have a 14 year old daughter who started high school this week. This has been a scary time for both me and her. For her, it is meeting new people, making friends, the "differentness" of high school. For me, it is her meeting new people (getting in with the wrong crowd), can she handle the stress/peer pressure, and her not needing me as much as she used to. She has also been home schooled for the past 6 months, so it is getting back into a more structured environment. I realized that the baby I held in my arms 14 1/2 years ago is, indeed, growing up.

It is so hard as a parent to let go. I know I have to but it is killing me. I am a control freak anyway so that makes things worse. I gave her a task to change a class on her schedule. I was a nervous wreak that she wouldn't do it right. I tried not to "drill" it into her, but of course I did. I asked her if she wanted me to go in with her and her response was "if you want to." That cracked my heart. I wanted her to say, "yes! please help me!" I resisted going in with her. She called me later and said she did it with no problems. *sigh*...it is ending so soon.

She and I have a good relationship. She pretty much tells me everything, but I am afraid that will end with high school. There is so much loss going on during this time. It makes me think that my "parenting/training" time for her is ending soon. I am just not sure that I like this time period. I think I have done a good job so far, but my biggest fear is that she will be hurt at some point in time. Whether it is by a "boy", or friends, I don't want her to feel the hurt and pain that sometimes comes with relationships. I know I can't protect her from life's trials and hardships all the time and she needs the pain to learn from, but I don't like it!

Well I guess I need to get over it because I can't stop her from growing up, but I sure wish I could slow it down a bit.

Tag! You are IT!

It appears I have been tagged by mi amiga Marissa, so I am forced to answer these questions.

What were you doing 5yrs ago? I just moved back from Washington, DC to Dallas after a BAD breakup and started working for Wyndham International.

Yesterday? Trying to cope with my everyday BS

5 snacks I enjoy? COOKIES, Guacamole, any kind of chips, almonds, ICE CREAM (Dulce de leche)!

5 songs I know all the words to? Bidi Bidi Bom Bom and No Me Queda Mas (Selena), Hero (Mariah Carey), Ben (Michael Jackson), and Crush on You (Jets). Don't laugh, I LOVED The Jets!Sorry I am dating myself there. LMAO

5 things I'd do with a million dollars? QUIT work and tell them to kiss my fat, black ass (opps got carried away there), Buy a nice house, buy my Range Rover, and take some nice vacations/trips

5 bad habits I have? Overeating, stressing over small stuff, tuning people out, cursing (I have a mouth like a sailor), and not hugging my kid enough.

5 favorite TV shows? Nip/Tuck, Kevin Hill, Gilmore Girls, ER, and CSI Miami

5 biggest joys of the moment? What moment? If you mean now, at this time...knowing I am getting off in an hour and 45mins, payday, my daughter and my friends.

5 favorite toys? Is that a naughty question (lmao)? ummm no toys if it is! I don't have any! lmao. But I have to say my Wifi, my PDA, my notebook computer, my DSL internet and my NEW CAR!!

Okay I tag Shelley and Tannia! Your turn ladies! lmao

Computers

Well, my trusty laptop has no more energy left. I haven't been able to get online from home the last week and 1/2. The battery for my laptop won't charge up anymore so I have been without a computer and internet. Now I have already established I am an internet addict, so you know I have NOT been happy.

I have a Dell computer. Dell's are very good computers, but I have had constant problems with my AC cord and my battery for my laptop. I have found out that my particular laptop has been discontinued, even though it is only 2 years old. To replace the battery costs almost as much as a new computer. I have also found out that Dell's computers are put together with parts made in different places. I know most computers are made that way but I think this is a MAJOR flaw in Dell computers. I am not sure if they have made the pieces "fit" well together.

So I am trying to determine if I am going to buy a new laptop or just buy the battery for the one that I have already. I have to make up my mind soon because I can't stand not having my computer. Toshiba is looking good to me right about now!