LIFE SUCKS!

Typically I try to be positive about the goings on in my life but today I just can't do it. My life sucks right now. About a month ago I found a lump in my breast with a huge bruise around it. Okay, so I go see my MD and she says let's do a mammogram. Can I just add that I am ALREADY on freaking CHEMO?!! I go have the mammogram and ultrasound done.

First, let me say this...having a mammogram can be a humiliating thing when you have big boobs. They slap your stuff all around in the machines like it isn't attached to you. Then they smash it, until it is flat. PAINFUL!! I know it is a necessary thing but man can you invent a different way of screening? I don't want to discourage any of you women out there from getting one done but be aware of what happens.

After I have the mammogram and ultrasound, this perky radiologist comes out and says, "Well you have some pre-cancerous cells in there,but we need to do a biopsy to make sure. But we don't do that here." WHAT?! Okay so now I have precancerous cells in my teta and you can't do the biopsy here?? I call the insurance company and they are so mixed up they can't understand this is a new "cancer" problem! Dealing with insurance companies is a freaking workout...AND I am a Benefits Manager!!

So finally I got my biopsy approved and found a place that can do it, but wait...I have to WAIT 2 weeks before they can get me in to do it! I AM A FREAKING TIME BOMB HERE PEOPLE!! I need help NOW not two weeks from now. I could be loosing valuable time. But alas, they didn't care to hear that and it made no difference. My biopsy is scheduled for 12/5/05. So I ask my current oncologist if I have to do a different kind of chemo if I have breast cancer. She tells me, "Well, let's see what it is first." I don't want to hear that. I want to know what my options are so I can make plans or not be taken by surprise. Is that asking too much?

Pray for me people, cuz I don't know how much more of this I can take in one life time!!