Tribute to my friend

When I was a VERY young military wife, living in Hawai'i and then Guam, I made a friend named Tanya. I was just 17 years old and Tanya was a worldly 19. We quickly bonded. She showed me how to manuver the military world as an officer's wife. She had been one 2 years longer than I, so I thought she was the know all for everything Military. The military culture is unlike any other, especially for an officer's wife. As an officer's wife, you are expected to host parties, run errands, smooze with your spouse's commanding officer and their spouse. You are supposed to know EVERYTHING military. I just thought I was "just" going to be a wife and live a glamorous, vagabond life. HOW WRONG WAS I?!

Well, along comes Tanya. She sees I am struggling under the pressure of it all and she offers to help me. In getting to know her, I found out she was from the same town in Louisiana as many of my relatives. So we struck up a quick and lasting friendship. Even though we ended up, at times, in different parts of the world and the U.S., we still stayed in close contact. She was there for my graduation from college. I was there when she suffered through her numerous miscarriages. She was truly my friend.

When my husband died, Tanya was there for me. When my baby was born 2 months later, she was there for me. Over the years Tanya wanted a baby really bad. She tried and tried and ended up having 9 miscarriages over the years. I felt so bad because here I was: 1) taking birth control to keep from having a baby and 2) getting pregnant when I totally didn't want to and wasn't ready. She knew this but still stayed by my side. She checked on me constantly, came to town to help me through my husband's funeral, even though there were very few pieces of him left. She loved me and I loved her as my sister in the military; even though my membership card had been revoked due to death.

As the years went on, our phone calls became less frequent and our letters became once a year Christmas cards. But everytime we reconnected, it was like we had never been apart or out of touch. She did not hold grudges, nor did she make me feel bad because I was a terrible friend. She understood I could not emotionally deal with her military life after mine had ended, and she still loved me!

I found out last week my sister friend died giving birth to the baby she wanted so badly over a month ago. She was 42 years old. She had been waiting over 20 years to have her baby. She had her baby but gave up her life to do so. Her husband is devestated. They had been married for 25 years. After a while, children was not as important to him as they were to Tanya. But he supported her in every way he could. He loved her enough to try to give her what she wanted. He doesn't know what to do with a newborn baby. I called him to checked on him and he just sobbed. Tanya LOVED Mardi Gras. This year is going to be especially hard on all of us because Mardi Gras was Tanya's christmas! So I am going to Louisiana this weekend to see my new niece and to see my "brother". Help him as much as his wife helped me over the years.

Tanya, I am sorry I wasn't there for you! I love you and miss you Girl! But know I am going to be there for your baby girl and she will know what a special and giving person you were!

So my mission is to reconnect to my friends and appreciate them and not take them for granted as I have in the past.

Laisser le bon temps rouleau! Happy Mardi Gras Tanya!