How do you teach life lessons to your teenager? When they are younger, it all seems very easy to do. Don't touch because it is hot/cold. Don't pull that because you will clonk yourself on the head. Don't bother that knife/scissors because they will cut you. Come let Mami make it better when you get a boo boo. That is a piece of cake compared to the teenage years. This is what I am dealing with: Finances from first job, first love, driving, trusting the wrong people. HOW THE HELL DO YOU TEACH THAT SHIT??!!! Can someone help me on this?
Here's scenario number one: Said teenager gets 1st job. Teenager has run up a $400 cell phone bill because of text messages (gets 1000 per month, but always seems to do 2000 to 3000 per month instead). So said mami takes cell phone away and says no more cell phone until bill is paid in full. So you have to give me all your paychecks until your bill is paid off. Well, teenager has balance of $200 and has decided she doesn't want to work anymore because she is TIRED!! Ummm WTF?! Why didn't someone send me the memo that we can quit when we are TIRED!! So mami reminds teenager, no money - no cell phone. So teenager thinks mami is soooo f'ing unfair (not said in those words but I know she was f'ing thinking it!!). I also reminded teenager, no driving until she is able to pay her car insurance bill and until she can make better grades. How do you teach fiscal responsibility? How do you teach someone to have a hard work ethic?
Scenario number two: Teenager is introduced to boy by teenager's BFF (not a BFF in my eyes, but I don't count). Boy is really feeling teenager. Boy takes her out on first date (disaster, but that is another post). Boy and teenager talk on phone, via IM, and go on more dates. Teenager says, " Mami, I have found my 'soulmate'!!" Ummm WAIT!! WHAT?! Okay, Mami is trying to be cool and say, "Oh really? That is great sweetie. But make sure he treats you nice and like a lady and NO SEX!!" OPPS...Did I say that?!! So, teenager goes on family vacation and was away from boy for a WHOLE week. During the week, she texts ($400 bill was the result) boy and BFF. BFF says she and boy have been "hanging out"! Teenager is okay with that because she just KNOWS boy is HERS. So get back from family vacation. Teenager finds out by accident that Boy and BFF are now dating or as they in teenager talk "going out". Why the secrecy? Why can't you just be honest about it. You are a big ho, be the best ho you can be and be honest about your ho'ing. Dayum, I sound really old. Any who, Teenager is devestated. "How could BFF do this to me. She knew I liked him. She INTRODUCED him to me! and now she decides she wants him!" How do you explain something like that? How do you explain that BFF totally violated the unspoken best friend rule...You don't mess around with your friend's current boyfriend or ex boyfriend? Is that still a rule or am I old and things have changed? I don't think it has changed because this rule has been going on for centuries. I have never understood why someone who is supposed to be a friend would want someone else's man or ex-man...why do you want my sloppy seconds? Why do you want to be the other woman or the slut that stole someone's man or decided you wanted my ex man? There are fucking limits people. But once again...How do you teach a teenager this life lesson? Her heart is breaking and Mami can't kiss the boo boo and make it better. How do you teach someone not to trust the wrong people? You don't know until the fuck you over and betray your trust. How do you teach that not everyone is your BFF... Not everyone is your friend period. The crying is killing me inside.
These are life lessons I am trying hard to teach but I don't know how successful I am. This is a teenager we are talking about. They think they know everything about everything. Part of me just wants to say forget it and let her learn on her own. But the Mami part of me says no I can't do that...I have to take control of the situation. So where is the line? When and where do I step back and when do I step in?
Okay can I have my baby back???
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3 comments:
I think that you are handling situation # 1 wonderfully. I also did not get the memo about being able to quit when you where tired :)
# 2 is a little harder but again I think you are going about it the right way because you are there to support her but yet you are giving her, her own space to figure it out.
Way to go Kim :)
Girl, your post almost made me cry!! I do not envy you being the parent of a teenager! My kiddo is only 2 and I am already dreading those days when I have to figure out how to teach him those important life lessons. I agree with Karla that I think you are doing the right thing in just being there for her, but at the same time letting her figure it out on her won. The money one is harder to tackle....
Ohh and I forgot to say thanks for stopping by my blog and for the good luck wishes on my job dilemma!
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