Books!

Everyone who knows me, knows I LOVE BOOKS! I love reading them! I am a voracious reader, probably an addict if you think about it. When I was a kid my mother would take me to the library on Saturday mornings. That was the one "activity" we did together. We would be in the library for hours. I would have 20 books to check out at one time. And I would read them all during the week and would be ready for more the next Saturday. When my daughter started preschool, I continued the tradition of going to the library with her on Saturdays.

I read all kinds of books. It does not matter the genre...Romance (a fave), chick lit, mysteries, biographies (another fave), cookbooks, crafting/knitting books. Anything and everything, I read it!! I was recently introduced to Young Adult books. My daughter told me about the Twilight saga. I loved it! I am hoping Stefenie Meyer decides to write Midnight Sun. But that is another commentary. I spend about $100 per month on books. I am members of the Barnes and Noble and Borders discount "clubs". That is how serious I am about books. I hate to admit it that I have been known to buy books from...gasp...WALMART!! Anywhere to get a discount!!

Back to the point of this post. One of my favorite books is Dirty Girls Social Club. When I read that book, I was absolutely engaged with the characters. The author, Alisa Valdez Rodriguez, wrote with such passion and description, that I felt the characters were real. She described "Black" Latinas, like me, with such logical reality. I don't know any other way to put it. I had felt like I was all alone in this world...well, I should say in Texas, where Mexicans are the majority of Hispanics. Being a Cuban in Texas is hard, especially being an AfroCuban in Texas. I would get stupid comments like, how is it that a "Black" girl can speak Spanish? How you think, fool?? I digress. I absolutely LOVED this book. I could relate to all the characters, particularly Usnavys. So when the announcement was made that the author would be writing a sequel to the Sucias, I was so excited!!

I just read the book, Dirty Girls on Top. Let's just say, disappointment cannot not even describe my feelings on this book. The characters were destroyed. They became shallow, superficial characters, that were in the previous book, rich and all encompassing. I feel sad that the Sucias are no longer the characters I remembered. The only thing that doesn't piss me off about the book, is the fact that I got it for $2.00 at the local half price bookstore! The book seemed like it was just thrown together, without any thought. It was almost as if the author hated the characters and wanted to just "kill" them off because she was tired of them. I don't know. But I was sad when I finished reading it. I was so looking forward to reading it but now I wish she had just left us with just the first book.

Now I have gotten into Young Adult fiction. Twilight, Vampire Academy, and the House of Night series. So maybe I should say Young Adult paranormal fiction. I have to say young readers have it so much better than I did. The books are intense and fabulously written. I have to say I have been enjoying these books more than "Adult" fiction. Although, I can't put down a good romance. Yay Francis Ray, Rochelle Alers and Brenda Jackson.

So my summer will be spent with hopefully good books and good knitting!

Happy Reading!

Parenting

Parenting is easily the most difficult job in the world. There is no procedure manual to guide you. At least at work you have a handbook, or a policy and procedure book available. As a parent, it is all trial and error. And let me say it is mostly error!!


I thought when my daughter made it to 18 that my job would be done, but it seems I have an extended contract. It seems that she doesn't plan on leaving home. I have made it too comfortable for her. She wants to stay forever. I remember at her age, I couldn't wait until I could get out of the house. Not her!! I feel like a complete failure as a parent. Did I not invoke the "get out the house at 18" message loud enough? She wants to stay home and attend college. NOOOOO!!! Don't you want to live in the dorm or sorority house and be independent?! "No", she says, "I want to stay with you forever!" WHY?!! What did I do wrong?! My daughter and I have a great relationship. We talk about any and everything. Some things I don't want to know, but I listen because I am happy she feels comfortable to tell me. I never had that relationship with my mother. So maybe I did do something right.

I have stopped going to the soccer games in freaking cold weather, freezing my bum off, because she can drive herself now. Her feelings are hurt. She says she can't play if I am not there! What? Why the hell not? She tells me don't you care about how I play? Ummm no not really! I just did it before because I had to, now you are on your own sister!

Aww well, I guess I can't complain too much because I have raised a child who is basically a great person, woman. She loves me unconditionally. Hopefully she won't put me in a "home" when I get old!

Random day

I was talking to my significant other today and I realized this man REALLY, REALLY LOVES me! I knew he loved me but didn't know he LOVED me for me. He said something to me today that just floored me. He said that he would die for me and that I was a part of him, a part of his soul. Just out of the blue like that he says it. We were talking about something totally unrelated. Not that I would want him to die for me, but just the thought that someone has such strong feelings for me really took me aback. We have been going back in forth in our relationship for a long time. Together, apart, together, apart...and so it goes.

He cheated on me with the biggest skank ever and I have had a really hard time forgiving him. I believe I have forgiven him, but it is the forgetting part that I have been having problems with. He has apologized in every way he could think of, but I couldn't get past it for a long time. I know it was because of my body image issues and she was BEAUTIFUL on the outside but disgusting on the inside. But I felt so wronged by it all that I had to bury my feelings, in order to get past the pain. He always tells me that I am unemotional, but what he doesn't realize is that I am emotional, but I have to bury the emotions or I will be truly out of control.

I started working on my weight and improving how I felt about myself and he didn't like that. He felt I was getting "sexy" (and believe me I am no where near sexy now) for someone else. Who the hell else was there but him?! I couldn't convince him of that, so we were apart again. But even when we were apart, we always talked; maybe not everyday, but at least twice a week. So we are always drawn together.

A few months ago we decided we were too old to deal with the BS any longer, either we were together or we would cut it off completely. Around the time we had this conversation, I started having heart and blood pressure problems, and wonders of wonders he did too. I mean literally when my heart would be racing, he would call me and says his was about to come out of his chest. I mean is that a coincidence, kismit or what? Everytime I had a spike in my blood pressure, he did too, at the same time. We took that as a sign that we were supposed to be together, destined for each other. It was really strange that once we spoke to each other or saw each other, our hearts would calm down and go back to normal. We are totally in sync.

So in July 2009, I am packing it up and moving to Miami to be with my heart! Maybe between the two of us we can get our hearts on the same beat! :)

Music

For the past few months I have been in a really bad place, mentally and physically. Before I lost 160 pounds, I was fairly healthy. It seems like since I have lost all the weight, I have been falling apart. So when I fall apart the thing I turn to is music.

I love all kinds of music. I can truly say I have eclectic taste in music. I am just amazed at how different songs can cause different emotions within me. I was listening to my iPod and Sade "Stronger than Pride" came on; it caused me to think about past loves and how I lowered my pride and my standards time after time because of my man at the time. Then "Reminisce" by Pete Rock came on and I thought about when I spent a summer in NYC (Brooklyn) with my grandmother's sister. That was fun and scary for a chick from Texas. Next was Dido with "Thank You" and it reminded me of the good parts of love. Your man meeting you at the door with a drink or comforting words after a rough day. Nothing better than that. Those feelings you have when everything is good with you and your partner. Linkin Park's "In the End", that song just screams out that no matter how hard you try, it sometimes means nothing to anyone. Taylor Swift's "Love Song" reminds me of my first love, talking on the phone all night,and first kisses. That sweet first love. Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent"...that is my theme song. I am independent, maybe too much so. Reggaeton just makes me want to dance. It reminds me of when I was a kid dancing around with my grandparents. Being carefree and happy! Moving with the beat or allowing the beat to move me. Of course, anything from the 80's is on my playlist.

Music has helped me and continues to help me with what seems to be a constant struggle that is my life. Music has saved my life so many times and it continues to strengthen me. So to all the musicians and songwriters out there...Thanks!!