My Two Favorite Rooms

My Livingroom


My Bathroom

Well I am finally all moved into my new joint! I still don't have internet service and I freaking HATE SBC, but that is another story. These are my two favorite rooms in the whole place, my livingroom and my bathroom. Both are places of relaxation for me. I am looking forward to many nights of long baths and cable tv! Please excuse the boxes, but you get the picture.

I am really happy with my decision to get this place. The commute in the mornings aren't bad so far. Coming home is another matter, but it is okay because I know my livingroom and bathroom are waiting for me!

MOVING!! Part III

Daddy comes over to help me move the rest of my crap into my new joint! I should have known this would be an ordeal, because my dad is my dad. I want to just hurry up and throw the crap in the back of the truck and be done with it. No, not him. He wants to put things in the truck a certain way. So what should have taken an hour or two at most took 4 hours...just loading the stuff on. I love my dad and I appreciate his help, but my nerves were wreaked.

I had to return the UHaul back to the place by 4:30 the same day because the place closes at 5 pm on Sundays. It was 3 pm and we were just getting to my new place. By the way, my mom came with my dad, but all she did was complain how hot it was and to turn the AC on. Why turn the dayum AC on when we are going in and out. Doesn't that go against some parent rule or something? Or do you not do it when it is on THEIR bill?

So of course, my parents get to the new place and they have to take a tour. Meanwhile the clock is ticking. So my dad is pointing out all the problems with the place, ie., paint peeling, etc. I don't freaking care at that point. I just want the shit off the truck and in the house or the garage or someplace...just OFF the freaking truck. So I remind my dad, gently, we have to get the truck back. Well then we waste another 5 precious minutes while he goes off on a tangent about how NO ONE told him the fucking truck had to be back at a certain time. I didn't want to remind him that he was there when the man said it so I left that alone because he would have really exploded. I know I am making like my dad has anger management issues; he doesn't , he is just passionate about certain things.

We start unloading the truck. My mom is talking decorating tips and I don't have time for that crap either. So she is trying to tell us where to put everything so it looks nice. Ummm Mother can you just move so we can put this shit down? So we are at 4:15 by the time we get ready to leave. Then guess who shows up? The CABLE man. So I tell him where I want it installed and then leave Mom in charge.

We leave to take the truck back. But we have to put gas in it and it is a diesal. Umm there are NO diesal gas stations close by...so we drive for what seems like forever and we find one. Put the gas in and make it back to drop off the truck with 5 minutes to spare.

Still no phone service!!

MOVING Part II

The movers arrived today. Why did I have to get Black man with an attitude and didn't want to work? He complained from the minute he walked in into my old place. He talked about how much stuff I had. Hell I know how must shit I have...I packed it! He begins to tell me what he is and isn't going to move. So I immediately get on the phone to his office and tell them WTF?!! You send this man and his buddy to move me and he tells me he isn't going to do it. So she has to get him straight. Then he starts throwing shit around and just being an all around asshole. The guy working with him was embarrassed you could tell, but Black man was his "boss".

I don't want to be too confrontational with this man because he basically has my stuff hostage on his truck. They get everything packed on the truck. We take off and we go to the new house. We wait and wait and wait for the movers to show up. They show up at 2 hours later. Now mind you I moved to the suburbs, but I didn't move 2 hours away from my old place....30 minutes MAX. So I get on the phone calling the office, again, saying WTF is taking so long?!! So they show up 30 minutes later. They arrive and refuse to take the stuff off the truck before I pay them. Mr. Attitude says you owe us $100 more dollars because you have 50 boxes over the estimate. So I said why is it $100 more now when you said it was $1.00 more per box extra. So in essence it should only be $50 more. So once again I am arguing with this asshole about my shit and money. I am calling the office AGAIN asking them why is he trying to rip me off. The office confirms I only owe $50 more. Mr Attitude was trying to the extra $50. I mean I can't believe how shady people are. I would have given him the extra $50 as a tip if he had had a better attitude and not try to rip me off. I pay them. They bring the stuff in. Disassembly and assembly were part of the price. The assembled some things but not others. By that time, I didn't give a shit...I just wanted them gone.

I go back to the old homestead and realize...THE MOVERS LEFT A BUNCH OF STUFF!! So I start to actually ball my eyes out because I have no more money and no way to get the stuff moved. So I call my parents, who by the way are moving to Puerto Rico. I don't know how many times I have to say it to finally believe it is true, but anyway. I am crying saying they left a bunch of stuff and they won't come back without charging, etc. My dad, who is a very volatile Cubano, says "call those muthafuckas back and tell them to come get the shit!!!" Finally, after I get him calmed down he says, "okay I will help you get the rest of your shit!" So tomorrow is UHaul day!

To add insult to injury, my PHONE doesn't work at the new house yet!! SBC sucks, by the way, but I have no choice in phone companies. Okay, I am getting off on a tangent. I have been using my cell phone for the past 3 days as my only means of communication. So no internet...I am at my parent's house writing this!!

This has been the WORST move of my life! When will it be over?!!

MOVING! Part I

Tomorrow is moving day for me. I cannot tell you how much I hate moving. Packing is a horrible word that I wish I could afford for someone to do for me. I am sitting here amongst all my shit asking myself, "Where in hell did all this come from? How does it all fit inside my two bedroom place?"

I am so tired. I worked all day today and I am coming home to do more work. I know I am procrastinating even more by sitting here writing this, when I should be packing. I know I will be up all night. I have to say my daughter has helped me so much during this process. Overall, she has packed without complaint while I am at work, but I know she is tired too.

Okay, I am going to try to finish it all up tonight. Movers are coming between 8-10 am. Shit is it going to be hot tomorrow??!!!

Celia at the Smithsonian

Celia Exhibit at the Smithsonian


Celia Embracing the World


Celia's infamous Cuba dress

I went to see the exhibit of Celia Cruz at the Smithsonian Museum of American History. This exhibit was the BEST exhibit I have ever seen. It had music and video as well as her dresses and photographs. The music moved you to laughter and to tears, all in one place. I was dancing and singing along.

This woman was amazing. She created fashions that were way ahead of her time. The shoes she wore were gravity defying. This exhibit explained words that are used every day in Hispanic Culture, Sabor and Azucar. It was all done with such accuracy and care. You can tell whomever was the curator of the exhibit really admired Celia as a person and her career as entertainer.

Cuba for the night!

Marissa looking lovely at the Embassy


Cuban Diplomats


Kim and Ines(A Cuban Diplomat)


Kim and Mari drinking Mojitos


Mari and Kim inside the Embassy


Chandalier in Ballroom

I went to Cuba for one night. Well the Cuban Interest section of the Swiss Embassy. It was a beautiful place. When we arrived there were protestors, shouting, "Shame on you!" and it took me aback for a minute because I forgot that I was going to a Cuban sponsored function. As I walked into the building, I thought of Elian Gonzalez for some odd reason. I believe this is the place where his grandmothers tried to convince his Uncle to give him up. Well, that is another story.

My friend Marissa attended with me. We went up the ornate staircase to a beautiful ballroom. It made me think about the parties my grandmother described she went to when she was young.

The mojitos and other cocktails were flowing. Marissa made a friend of a man that looked like he was 90 and he was making mojitos. And man was he making the best mojitos on earth. He called her "Mulatta Linda". It was really very cute. I think he was making our mojitos stronger than anyone else's because after my second one, I had a DEFINITE buzz going on. There were all kinds of Cuban foods...Ropa Vieja, moros y cristianos, yuca y ajo, and arroz con leche.

The band started playing. They were surprisingly good. I hated it when they took breaks because I wanted them to keep playing. Some man grabbed Marissa to dance. She was a dancing Mami all night long. Although she will deny it. The Cuban Diplomats danced and enjoyed themselves. It was so great to watch them. There were several couples there that reminded me of my parents when they dance together. There was dancing, drinking, salsa lessons, drinking, and dancing and drinking.

It was a night that helped me forget about the difference in politics that the U.S and Cuba have. It was just a night to have fun and have a little freedom to experience something new but yet VERY familiar to me.

Literally climbing into bed!!

I'M BORING!!

Barcardi Mojito

I have just come to the realization that I have become a boring person. When did it happen? It happened when I wasn't looking. I used to be so much fun! I used to have so much fun! Did parenthood do it to me? Did work and responsibilities do it to me? Or maybe age? I am an old broad now! Hell that snuck up on my ass too! I will be 38 in July. When did I get so old?

How do I capture my "fun" self back? I try to force myself to go out and have fun. Why do I have to "force" myself to go out and have fun? I have no energy. Just tired all the time. What I want to do is just come home and crash and nobody freaking talk to me! SILENCE! I have become anti-social too. Oh wow! I need an intervention.

So I am forcing myself to go to Washington DC this weekend to go to a party at the Cuban Interest Section. I am excited about going, but the ACTUAL getting there seems like such a chore. I know once I get there I will have fun and be glad I went.

Pass the mojitos and let the fun begin!!

Travel Channel

Tahitian Huts

I am addicted to the Travel Channel! Samantha Brown, reporter for the The Travel Channel, has my dayum dream job. How do people get these kind of jobs? Do they go to school for this? Look at Rich Steves. He is the European travel guru! He didn't even go to college. Do they get front money from the travel fairy? Tell ME! I need to know these things. lol Samantha goes to the most fabulous places to "test" out hotels. She stays in the presidential suite,has fabulous massages, eats great food, all for free!! She can be a bit corny at times, but shit I can overlook that just seeing the places she goes. While I am watching, I am thinking man I could have said that much better or I would have done this instead.

I mean, do people actually HAVE jobs like this?! If so, may I have one too? Can I just travel and test out hotels and get paid for it too? Okay, I know, I am asking for way too much, but I can dream!

It's Official !!!

Backyard


Kitchen

It is finally official...the house is mine to lease. I am so excited! We are moving on June 25th. I have had the movers scheduled for a month now. Finally, I have an address to move my stuff into!

I have been stressing over house or apartment, apartment or house. Now that it is official, I am thinking back, why was I stressing so?! I have had MAJOR stomach issues the last few weeks. Dayum why do I let this kind of shit affect me so?! It all seems so simple now that it's over. I still don't have all of the deposit, but I know in my heart this will all work out. I am not going to worry so much about it anymore. I say so much because I am, by nature, a BIG worrier. :)

I have this deep seeded fear of being homeless. I have never been homeless before, but I used to be a social worker with homeless people. I have had executives with companies as my clients, making 6 figures a year, that lost everything due to losing their job or a vindictive ex-spouse, men and women. That has always stuck in my head. Seeing someone on the top of their careers, then down and out, living on the streets. So those images are forever in my head.

I love the kitchen in this house. It has plenty of cabinet space. I need that because I have a lot of pots, pans and kitchen gadgets. I am hooked on Pampered Chef stuff. :) I also love the backyard of this place. It has a huge patio, so I foresee lots of barbeques here.

IT IS OFFICIALLY mine to live in!! YAY!! *clap, clap, clap* :)

TV

Kevin Hill Cast...DAYUM Taye you FOINE!!

I am going to be a little silly and petty right now. I am a TV junkie among my other flaws. Blame it on my mother. That is what my daughter is going to say about me in a few years too. :) I have to have the TV on to study, to read, to cook, to do anything. Yes, I can study and process what I have learned with the TV on. If it is quiet, I get extremely restless and can't concentrate. I am sure there is some psychologist that will say that I really didn't learn anything, blah, blah, blah!

Here is what I want to know. I just want to know who the hell makes the decisions about what is going to be on TV each season. It certainly isn't anyone who knows what they are doing. I was reading in the Dallas newspaper that all my favorite shows are being cancelled for the fall. My main one (aside from Desperate Housewives) is Kevin Hill. KEVIN FINE HILL!! ARE they freaking NUTS?!! I mean c'mon! Why is it when there is a show on about a Black man or woman even, they take it off the air. The Black person has to be down and out and on welfare for the show to be successful. And no I don't mean the dayum Jeffersons or the Huxtables! Yeah I loved the Cosby Show and it showed us in a great way, but is that the only show that we will have that will be successful? I mean does White America think there aren't any professional Black men or women? Do they honestly think that we don't exist?

So they decide this fall to cancel Kevin Hill. Here is a show with a professional Black man, professional Latino man (Jon Seda is fine as wine in the summertime), and professional women. This was a good show. But do they keep it on? HELL NO!! Yes, people, I feel strongly about this show! When will we have a show that portrays Latinos and Black people in a positive light? Did they even give Kevin Hill a chance? I am just pissed off right now. I looked forward to a new season of Kevin and Damien getting into trouble and getting others out of trouble. I looked forward to seeing Kevin progress with Sarah. Learning about his inner Daddy! Why are the TV execs depriving me of seeing a FINE ASS Black man be sensitive and decent? Because I sure as hell ain't seeing it in real life. Isn't TV supposed to create a fantasy for me? Well I guess it is time to come back to reality.

I love TV and I wish they would leave my shit alone!!! Oh yeah one more thing...who the hell is Neilsen and how do I GET to be on his panel?!!

Living Arrangements

The Apt I can have


The house I want

Okay I have a huge dilemma. I need to move to the suburbs. I never thought I would say that. I LOVE Dallas. I love living close to EVERYTHING...malls, grocery stores, airports. You name it, I am close to it. So why am I leaving my beloved Dallas? Because their public schools SUCK!! The school system is a HOTT MESS! We have had like 6 superintendents in the past 4 years. Our school board is a pack of thieves. I have a 14 year old to educate, so we are packing up and moving to the 'burbs.

My dilemma is I REALLY REALLY REALLY want this house. It is actually cheaper rent than the apartment. But the deposit is WAY more than the deposit on the apartment. They are the same in square footage. The apt is 8 square feet smaller than the house. I like the idea of having my own separate place, make as much noise as I want. Okay pay $1100 deposit on a house or $69 on the apartment. Yes I said $69! So you get my dilemma?

House or Apartment...Apartment or House?! I spent all my money at the Sucias retreat...and don't get me started on that. I could borrow the money from my parents but MAN I freaking HATE asking them for money. It takes big chunks out of my pride to ask them for anything! They make me feel like such a "deadbeat bitch" as I so nicely called this past week. But wait I am drifting...lol Okay so ask the parents and get the "Why don't you save for a rainy day speech" or the " We are not made from money speech." LOL...or just get the apartment and save up for the house later. HMMM...how much pain can my pride suffer? How badly do I want this house? I will have to think about this one.

So many choices so little money! Awww the drama of it all!!! *sigh*

Love Type?

Your #1 Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship. For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in. However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

Your #2 Love Type: ENFJ

The Giver In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail. For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring. Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational. However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner. Best matches: INFP or ISFP

Your #3 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship. For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive. However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #4 Love Type: INTJ

The Scientist In love, you tend to be very private and withdrawn - even when things are going well. For you, sex is important in a happy relationship. Less important when things aren't going well. Overall, you are confident, intelligent, and serious about commitment. However, you tend to hold back and not show your emotions. Best matches: ENFP and ENTP

Your #5 Love Type: ISFJ

The Nurturer In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long. For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner. Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie. However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues. Best matches: ESTP or ESFP

What's Your Love Type?

I think this is very accurate about me and someone who I would like to be my lover. ;) It is a bit scary. I don't usually think I can be placed in a certain catagory because there are so many aspects to my personality. But I do know what I want and what I will do to keep it. LMAO!

All Around the United States

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

It says I have been to 56% of the United States. I still have a lot more states to go to. Well I guess I had better get started.

Going HOME!!

Behind the Tamaya

I am sitting here in the Albuquerque Sunport waiting for my plane to take me home. I have a 4 hour wait, but that is okay because the airport has free internet access. What a GREAT airport!! lol

The mountains of New Mexico are beautiful and awe inspiring. It was as though you could walk right up to them and touch them. We were nestled in the valley of several mountain ranges. No matter what side of the resort you were on you saw mountains. The resort was beautiful, however, the design was crazy. I had to walk forever to get to my room. There was 1 right turn and 4 left turns to get to my room. I felt like I had walked for miles. The altitude didn't help things either. I would walk 10 steps and I felt like I had run a marathon. It was a very strange feeling. The resort had hot air balloons, horseback riding, and 3 fabulous pools.

Well, this weekend wasn't what I expected, but I did accomplish my goal of relaxation and rejuvenation. I had the most AMAZING full body massage. Now, I am a big girl and have special needs, like EXTRA LARGE robes and a heavier hand than normal. I have had massages before that just left me feeling the same as when I walked in the place...feeling as though I wasted my hard earned cash. My masseuse, Holly, was amazing. The massage took place in a room that had french doors that opened up to a private patio. I could feel the wonderful cool breeze hitting my body as she massaged. Words cannot explain or express the feelings I had. The birds were singing and the air was fresh. Holly has magic hands. I have had knots and tightness in my body for months and her magic hands drained all that tension from my body. It was so worth every penny.

I met some AWESOME Sucias and I am so glad I came. We bonded in a wonderful way. It was like we had known each other forever. I guess talking to someone via the internet can make you feel that way. We talked, laughed and cried with each other and it just made our bond that much stronger. We probably took about 500 hundred pictures of any and everything we saw. We had passerbys and waitstaff taking pictures of us. We have some pretty funny pictures and some truly beautiful ones too. Sucia Gloria was hilarious in her white Sedan DeVille Caddy rental. We went to the New Mexico Cultural Center and she was leaned back, rolling on the highway. YES, we like 'em big in Texas, right Gloria?!! lol.

It was truly an experience unlike any other. We have all made vows to stay in touch and meet up again every year like the our book counterparts.

See you next year Sucias!!

New Mexico

I made it to Albuquerque in one piece. The mountains surrounding the area are unbelievable. I haven't been here since I was a teenager. Of course, as a teen you do NOT have an appreciation for such things. The sun was just setting and it was quite breathtaking. I have to say their airport is one of the prettiest airports I have ever seen. It is full of Southwestern flare and flavor. I also have to say it is very well organized also. The draw back was the LONG way you have to walk to baggage claim. Maybe it was because I wasn't feeling well, but it seemed like one of those scenes where the hall keeps getting longer as you are walking. I loved how they had their rental car "process" set up. You take a shuttle bus to one big building and ALL the rental car places were in one spot. VERY NICE!

So I get my rental car and I follow the instructions I downloaded into my PDA to my hotel. It was VERY easy to find my hotel from the airport. I stayed at the Marriott near the airport. I was quite pleased with the room.

So I am here in New Mexico ready to meet up with my other Sucias, have fun and relax! I cannot say enough about how excited I am to be here. New Mexico, I hope you are ready for Las Sucias!!

Airline

Okay today I began my journey to Albuquerque, NM. I live extremely close to Love Field airport in Dallas. So obviously I chose Southwest Airlines for my trip. The convenience was the big factor in my selection.

Can I just say I had the trip from HELL!! Southwest's M.O. is to not assign seats. You just get in where you fit in. Can I also say the freaking plane was PACKED? I thought by traveling a day before the holiday weekend I would miss all the extra traffic. NOT!! It seems like everyone had the same idea. They board you by groups of A, B, and C. It was like I imagine being a cow in a herd would feel like. Everyone was pushing each other around trying to get their coveted seat. I am a back of the plane person because I am typically not in a MAJOR rush to get off the plane like others seem to be. Did I say the plane was packed. I was in group B, so I was able to get my back of the plane seat. Well, I am a big girl...I am sure I have said that someplace on here. Okay you see a big girl sitting in a seat...WHY would two other big people sit beside me? There were other seats with skinny people sitting in them so that was an option.

So I was squished up as they were also...sitting in the back of the plane. IT was awful. I was feeling nauseous and I prayed the whole 1 hour flight to not throw up all over them because there would be NO way for me to get out of my seat in time. It was an uncomfortable plane ride. The flight attendants were rude and looked over worked. They looked like they didn't care what happened to passengers. So I didn't have any confidence in them at all.

I like Southwest's concept of cheap, convenient flights, but you pay in the way of comfort and a dignity.I have come to the conclusion that even though Southwest is convenient and more cost effective, I will be traveling the extra 15 miles to Dallas Fort Worth Airport to fly in comfort! What is a few extra bucks when I can get an assigned seat, a wider seat, and smiles!

Grandma and my Retreat

My grandmother lives with me in my two bedroom apartment, along with my 14 y.o. daughter. CAN I JUST SAY WHAT A FREAKING WORKOUT?! My grandmother is very demanding and feels entitled. What I mean by that is she is forever calling my daughter to get her something to drink or something to eat. I mean since when did she become an invalid? She can walk, she can cook, she can even drive, but she is afraid to live alone now. It has been a BIG adjustment for my daughter because it is in combination with my illness. But what can I do, say "no granny you can't live with me!" Umm I don't think so. Even though I think it everyday. I am looking for a bigger place so we can all at least have our own rooms to retreat to, to get away from it all and each other. But that ain't happening until the end of June.

So this weekend my daughter and I are both going on a retreat! Not together, but a retreat from the screaming and the guilt trips. I am going to beautiful New Mexico and my daughter is going on a Caribbean adventure with my parents. I feel guilty for the excitement that she and I both feel. The first thing we felt is relief to be away from Granny, even for 4 days! That is plenty. But as I get ready for my trip, the guilt has set in heavily. She will be alone for 3 nights. What if something happens? I am going home to cook so she will have food to eat while we are away. But the guilt is still eating at me. Why do I have such guilty feelings? Don't I deserve to feel a little happiness, even if it is just for 3 nights? Why do I allow her to make me feel the way I do? Is that just a grandmother thing?

Well I am just going to have to get over it because I am going to RETREAT and have a good time doing it.
Ciao Nana!

Desperate Housewives

Desperation

Can I just say how much I LOVE the show Desperate Housewives?! That show is so realistic in every avenue. How can I make it a whole summer with out it? Without seeing new episodes for 4 whole months!! What am I going to do? I look forward to Sunday nights now. Anxiously awaiting to see what Gaby, Bree, Susan, Edie and Lynette are going to mess up on Wysteria Lane. It is going to be a LONG boring summer!

Cuban Tower

Cuban Shoreline

Cuba

My abuela was in a rare mood today. She is living with me now because she can't live alone. That is another blog entry. Today I told her about a party at the Cuban Interest Section in June in Washington, DC. I am planning on going with my friend. When I was telling her about it she became very melancholy and nostalgic. It was like she was taken back to a different time and place.

I heard about Cuba before the Revolution, pre Fidel. I thought I had heard it all before, but apparently I hadn't. She decided to go a new and different direction with me. She talked about how there was so much corruption in the government due to the American Mafia, American businesses, and Batista. She said there needed to be a revolution, but no one expected it to turn out this way. Everyone thought it would be set up like Puerto Rico, with democracy shining through.

She described a beautiful Cuba, full of tourists and children playing in the surf. Plenty to eat and money flowing. But she said not everyone had money. The poverty was so oppressive in the Black and Mulatto communities. That is why most Black Cubans LOVE Fidel. He made the White European looking Cubans on the same level as they were on. Everyone is equal. She said that Black Cubans could not go to school because they were expected to work in the Sugar fields and Nickel mines. It was still very much a "slave" mentality. She said she was one of the lucky Mulattas to be able to go to school and then to University because she was very fair with gray eyes. Yes, simply based on her looks. Well, maybe Cuba was more like the U.S. in that aspect, in the 50s and 60s...segregation, etc. You all know where I am going with that.

She talked about the wonderful parties she used to attend, with flowing Champagne and good food. How she was a debutante and how she met my grandfather. The dancing, fat cigars and skinny cigarettes, it was all over. It sounded amazing. It made me feel like I was there. The cool ocean breeze on my face, along with bright sun shining down. She was able to travel to and from the U.S. because she had relatives living in New Orleans and Shreveport, Louisiana. She said she experienced pure freedom, unlike the people of Cuba today. She said she longed to have those days back so she could see her siblings again.

My grandfather was a banker in Cuba. My grandmother was a translator with the German Embassy in Havana. Abuelo knew things were changing and little by little put money into U.S and Swiss bank accounts. When he and my grandmother would travel to the U.S. they would bring silver, gold and other items of sentimental value with them. My grandmother said she felt dumb wearing and bringing all that stuff in her suitcase. But on New Year's Eve1958, my grandparents decided to miss the social event of the year at the Copacabana (yes there really was a place named that) to stay home. My grandfather made my grandmother pack all their stuff in suitcases. He didn't know for sure what was going on but he knew something bad was going to happen. Then New Year's Day 1959 it happened. Fidel rode into Havana victorious over Batista. My grandmother said she was so afraid because she knew they would be leaving her home forever. She said she closed her eyes to try to keep the memory of her childhood home in Santa Clara and her new home in Havana because she did not want to forget them.

She and my grandfather were one of the lucky ones because they knew several languages, English included, and had lived in the U.S. before. So they arrive in the U.S. with my 14 year old mother and 5 year old uncle on January 7, 1959. They decided to settle in New Orleans because my grandmother had siblings there already. My grandparents have siblings still living in Cuba with no hope of getting out. So we make our monthly or quarterly trips to Mexico to send them money or clothes and pray everything gets there. The U.S. Embargo against Cuba makes it almost impossible to assist families now. Now with Fidel's no dollar policy...it is crazy. What I don't understand is what is the difference between China and Cuba?! They are both communist states, they both have human rights issues. Why do we trade with them and not Cuba? Oh wait, the Cuban exiles. Remember the elitist society I wrote about, well that's them. They are killing their own people. Phone calls are few and far between because getting a phone line in Cuba is like calling Mars...impossible. A lot of phones there are still on the party line system, meaning other families can listen in on your call and your business is all over the streets.

I wish there was a way for my grandmother to return. She could return but she has made a vow to never return as long as Cuba is a communist state. She longs to have those ocean breezes and sun shine on her skin and I wish I could give them to her. So I am going to this party for you Abuela. I will think of you as I am drinking Mojitos. Toasting you and your bravery!

CUBA LIBRE!!

Tamaya Pool

Hyatt Tamaya

Tamaya at night

Relaxation

Well I am going on a little retreat with some of my chicas from Alisa's group. I am really excited about going. I don't even really care about the activities going on. Just having a chance to get away from the real world is going to be heaven. I can forget about the chemo, the job, and family obligations. Just look at those pictures. Who couldn't relax at this place?

It is located in the Sandia Mountains, I think that is what they are called. LOL. It guess I need to get with the map, as my friend tells me from time to time. This place is what I call a mountain paradise. I would like to have a full body massage and a body wrap, but I can't afford additional luxuries. LOL I am scraping up to stay in the hotel. But I am determined to go.

I need something in my life right now that says, screams even, PEACE and SERENITY! I feel like I have been on an emotional and physical roller coaster for months. This place makes me feel as though I can do anything when I leave. I can be refreshed and reinspired...is that a word? I just hope I am not disappointed.

El Morro en Puerto Rico

Moving to Puerto Rico

Well it is official the parental units are moving to Puerto Rico. They built a beautiful ocean front home there. They led me to believe that they were building the house for family vacations. Well they LIED! They built it to move there for retirement. They have been planning this for years. Putting away money in Puerto Rican banks. They are very smart. Puerto Rico has very generous tax laws.

They have finalized their plans and have the move date set: July 21st...TWO DAYS before my birthday! Now that is an outrage, but as my mother told me, they are getting a cheaper price! lol Moving to an island is quite an ordeal. They have to have movers come and take it to Houston, TX, then put it in a container to be put on a boat. Then they fly from Houston to PR to get ready to receive their items. My mother's statement to me was to come visit for my birthday. Yes that would be great if my job gave more than 5 days off in a year. But that is a whole other story!

Anyway, so I will truly be on my own. I have always had my parents as my back up with my daughter. So now she and I will be on our own FA REAL!! LOL...it is very frightening for me. Although my parents and I aren't really close, it is nice to know that I have a back up plan. I am very glad they waited until my daughter got older before they moved. She is very excited by the prospect of going to PR for long vacations, as am I , but there is nothing like having your family close by.

Oh WAIT I have an idea! I can move to PR too. No I don't think they will go for that!! lol

HEALTH INSURANCE

I am so pissed off right now at my health insurance. They have been paying for my medical treatment with no problem until today. TODAY they decide that they don't want to pay because my doctor increased my chemo dosage. Okay...same medication, same clinic, same doctor, but different dosage. WHAT IS THE FUCKING difference?! I am the Benefits Manager for my company and I have called all my insiders to ask and no one seems to know, other than they aren't going to pay it. So now my doctor has to change her orders so that they will pay for it. What REALLY doesn't make since is if I get the lower dosage 2 times as week as opposed to the higher dosage once a week, they will pay for it. And in actuality the lower dosage given more frequently is more toxic to me and MORE EXPENSIVE than giving the higher dosage once a week.

I just don't get it. The American healthcare system is such a joke. We are one of the wealthiest countries in the world and we have people that can't afford insurance. We are the laughing stock of Europe and our neighbors to the north(Canada), who both have a universal health care system. Yes the taxes are high and yes there can be lines for everything, but knowing I have health care and housing make it worth it for me. ARE we REALLY only about the almighty dollar here? Do we not care that there are people suffering everyday because they can't pay for the health care or they make $1.00 over the Medicaid limits? Don't even get me started on Medicare!

I am so disappointed and disillusioned with the United States right now. We are paying billions of dollars for a war that most of us don't believe in, but we have people who can't get medical care. I have a MAJOR problem with the logic on that! The government doesn't want to take care of the citizens that are paying the taxes for this war, but Iraqi's are getting all kinds of aid. Ummm okay. I know I shouldn't be complaining too much because I have medical care, shitty medical care, but I have it. But I think about the women who don't have access to medical care. It is a bit scary. I don't think we should look around the world pointing fingers at other countries, when we haven't looked at ourselves first.

Mother's Day

Okay I am going to complain a bit... My sweet daughter planned a lovely mother's day for me. But it required me getting out of bed, getting dressed up and going over to my parents' house. Then we went out to eat. It was a very okay day. But what I wanted most of all was to just lay in my bed and sleep and read.

It took so much energy for me to get up and get dressed and sit. I know it sounds crazy but really it does. I know I am an ungrateful, but if it is about celebrating Mothers, shouldn't I have a say in what I want to do? I DID everything my baby had planned, but I was so sick, I could barely keep it together. I would have like to have had ONE day that I did nothing, no getting up for work, no cooking, no cleaning, NOTHING! I feel bad just saying that because my daughter did show her appreciation of me and it made me feel great. But BED sounded better! =)

It turned out to be a great day. So I guess I will be happy! lol

Men

My best friend in the whole world is upset. Not at me but at a man, of course. I went against all that is me and my beliefs to introduce mi amiga to him. I am so not the person to match make because my abuela is a BIG matchmaker. She lives for that shit and I hate it. My friends have been talking for 2 years. Really feeling each other, or so I thought. I won't go into details, but let's just say that he has made her feel their whole relationship has been built on a lie. She has been crying and upset for the past 10 days and I don't know what to do to help her. BTW, he was my friend and I introduced the two of them at the encouragement of mi novio. That is a whole other story.

I feel really guilty and responsible because I introduce pendejo cabron to mi amiga and now she is in pain. I am so pissed at him. He was my good friend. I say was because I can no longer tolerate talking to him or seeing him. I have made so many excuses for him because he was going through some things, a lot of things in his life at the time. He had me so fooled. I thought he was this sweet and sensitive person, but he is just like the rest of the men out there. Yes, I know there are some good ones but where are they. I thought he would be perfecto for her and he would have been if he had just done right. Men, being honest is not a bad thing, ok?

I feel horrible because no words can comfort her. I know she has to ride out the pain but it makes me hurt too. That sounds a little narsassitic (sp?), but I don't mean it to be. She lives far away from me so I can't just put my arms around her and say, "hey, it will be good again soon." When you say it on the phone it sounds VERY trite to my ears. I am a hugger so I like to be able to hug people when I am saying trite things to them. Sounds crazy I know, but hey what can I say. When I talk to her on the phone I can feel the pain radiating from her. I think to myself, "hell I introduced her to asshole!" She tells me to not feel bad but I can't help it but I do. I may be wrong, but I have cut myself off from Sr. Pendejo Cabron. And he is blowing up my phone. To give me his side. To me, if you care about me, you would not treat my friend the way he did and then expect me to go on like it was nothing. I know I am supposed to be forgiving but I can't do it. I am a Leo!! I hold grudges!

So to mi amiga te amo! Aqui es un abrazo de mi!!

Blogging

Okay what is the deal with Blog these days? I have been trying to add some links on to my page to some GREAT other Bloggers. I can't get them to work. So I have some crazy crap showing up!

NEway...I have been reading the blog of a certain Mr. Rodriguez. He is a great writer. I think he has been somewhat overshadowed by his wonderful wife. She is such a great writer. I LOVE her books. I hope he comes out with a novel himself or gets a great job as a star reporter. He is a very sensitive and supportive person. He deserves it. Okay so why can't I find one like that??? If you can go check out his page...it is www.webblogaboutnothing.blogspot.com
If I could get the links to work, I would put it on there.
Ciao for now!

Thoughts on Chemo

I have been going through chemotherapy for a liver tumor. This is the third time in 3 years but I am told this time it will "really" work. How can the doctors be so sure? They were positive last time was THE last time, so I am not so sure I believe them anymore. I am sitting here in the clinic. It is much like a cozy den with television and radio. Not just any kind of radio mind you, but Sirius Satellite. lol They also just installed wireless internet too, so I am taking advantage of that today. I have to say it isn't so bad while you are here...it is afterwards that you suffer. I won't even go into details about that just know that it sucks!!

How did I get such a dreadful disease? A FUCKING TATTOO!! I wanted to get a tattoo for my 33rd birthday. Apparently the place I went to sucked and I got Hepatitis. Well my Hepatitis was cured, but I got diagnosed with a tumor for my 34th birthday. So thus began the first round of chemo. It isn't cancer but anything on your liver can be deadly.

I think about my lovely daughter, who is growing up so quickly. What if something happens to me? I am not very close to my parents, although since I have been sick, they have been trying to be supportive. But I could not leave my daughter in their care. I had such a miserable childhood, I don't want them to "undo" what little good I have done with her. It is such a scary thought...not me dying persay, but me dying and leaving behind my baby with no one. NO ONE can be her mother like I can! So that is what makes me frightened. There are days that I feel like I just can't continue anymore putting this bullshit in my body, but I look at her and know I have to keep fighting.

So I keep fighting the nausea, the hair loss, the weight gain (yes I have GAINED weight not lost) knowing that I have someone who loves and needs me no matter what!

Abrazos y beso mi Nena!