Alexandre

I can't tell you how distraught and upset I am right now. I was told today that because of some dumb asses kidnapping kids jeopardized my opportunity to adopt Alexandre. They are going to place him in an orphanage, but they are not sure yet which one. No matter how much I cried and begged it had no affect. I told them I would submit to home studies, could get recommendations from friends, family and coworkers, but to no avail. The Haitian government is not going to do any new adoptions for a year. The Haitian government is putting on a good front of protecting their children, when in all actuality they really couldn't give a damn. If you could see the squalor these children live in, you would know Haiti doesn't care and hasn't cared for a long time. The children are starving, lack receiving any kind of affection and lack any type of education. They are just waiting, but not really sure what they are waiting for. There are sooo many kids here, who are unwanted and/or orphaned. You smile at them and they come running. You give them a hug and they belong to you for life. They just want someone to love them...no toys, no games, just love and affection is all it takes for them.

We, the United States and other countries, are raising millions of dollars to help the victims of the earthquake, but where is that money going to go? Is it going to help the Haitian citizens? Is it going to help the babies and children in the orphanages? Or is it going to line the pockets of the Haitian government officials?

Alexandre is going to get lost in the "orphan" system and it kills me to thing about it. He already cries when I am out of his sight. He has become just as attached to me as I am to him. I know he is but one child in Haiti, but he is going to be one more child waiting for the unknown. I am not sure if I will be able to keep track of him, in order to adopt him in a year, because they are going to move him once I leave. I can't leave my baby here. I can't leave him to get "lost" in a faulty system. I know there is nothing I can do at this point and I feel helpless and hopeless. I have cried all day and can hardly work. My team is giving me the sad looks and I'm sorries, but it is not making me feel better. I am feeling bitter and resentful that I didn't erect my emotional wall like everyone else did. But looking in the faces of these children, it was impossible for me to do so. I love passing out hugs along with the hurts because it makes it better for the kids. Kids love so unconditionally, that I find it difficult to not love or care for them back.

So, on Thursday morning as I board the plane to return to my luxurious life, I have to leave behind the baby that I come to think of as my son, Alexandre. I don't know if I will be able to do it without breaking down. I came to Haiti on a medical mission, but will leave here a very changed person

Books!

Everyone who knows me, knows I LOVE BOOKS! I love reading them! I am a voracious reader, probably an addict if you think about it. When I was a kid my mother would take me to the library on Saturday mornings. That was the one "activity" we did together. We would be in the library for hours. I would have 20 books to check out at one time. And I would read them all during the week and would be ready for more the next Saturday. When my daughter started preschool, I continued the tradition of going to the library with her on Saturdays.

I read all kinds of books. It does not matter the genre...Romance (a fave), chick lit, mysteries, biographies (another fave), cookbooks, crafting/knitting books. Anything and everything, I read it!! I was recently introduced to Young Adult books. My daughter told me about the Twilight saga. I loved it! I am hoping Stefenie Meyer decides to write Midnight Sun. But that is another commentary. I spend about $100 per month on books. I am members of the Barnes and Noble and Borders discount "clubs". That is how serious I am about books. I hate to admit it that I have been known to buy books from...gasp...WALMART!! Anywhere to get a discount!!

Back to the point of this post. One of my favorite books is Dirty Girls Social Club. When I read that book, I was absolutely engaged with the characters. The author, Alisa Valdez Rodriguez, wrote with such passion and description, that I felt the characters were real. She described "Black" Latinas, like me, with such logical reality. I don't know any other way to put it. I had felt like I was all alone in this world...well, I should say in Texas, where Mexicans are the majority of Hispanics. Being a Cuban in Texas is hard, especially being an AfroCuban in Texas. I would get stupid comments like, how is it that a "Black" girl can speak Spanish? How you think, fool?? I digress. I absolutely LOVED this book. I could relate to all the characters, particularly Usnavys. So when the announcement was made that the author would be writing a sequel to the Sucias, I was so excited!!

I just read the book, Dirty Girls on Top. Let's just say, disappointment cannot not even describe my feelings on this book. The characters were destroyed. They became shallow, superficial characters, that were in the previous book, rich and all encompassing. I feel sad that the Sucias are no longer the characters I remembered. The only thing that doesn't piss me off about the book, is the fact that I got it for $2.00 at the local half price bookstore! The book seemed like it was just thrown together, without any thought. It was almost as if the author hated the characters and wanted to just "kill" them off because she was tired of them. I don't know. But I was sad when I finished reading it. I was so looking forward to reading it but now I wish she had just left us with just the first book.

Now I have gotten into Young Adult fiction. Twilight, Vampire Academy, and the House of Night series. So maybe I should say Young Adult paranormal fiction. I have to say young readers have it so much better than I did. The books are intense and fabulously written. I have to say I have been enjoying these books more than "Adult" fiction. Although, I can't put down a good romance. Yay Francis Ray, Rochelle Alers and Brenda Jackson.

So my summer will be spent with hopefully good books and good knitting!

Happy Reading!

Parenting

Parenting is easily the most difficult job in the world. There is no procedure manual to guide you. At least at work you have a handbook, or a policy and procedure book available. As a parent, it is all trial and error. And let me say it is mostly error!!


I thought when my daughter made it to 18 that my job would be done, but it seems I have an extended contract. It seems that she doesn't plan on leaving home. I have made it too comfortable for her. She wants to stay forever. I remember at her age, I couldn't wait until I could get out of the house. Not her!! I feel like a complete failure as a parent. Did I not invoke the "get out the house at 18" message loud enough? She wants to stay home and attend college. NOOOOO!!! Don't you want to live in the dorm or sorority house and be independent?! "No", she says, "I want to stay with you forever!" WHY?!! What did I do wrong?! My daughter and I have a great relationship. We talk about any and everything. Some things I don't want to know, but I listen because I am happy she feels comfortable to tell me. I never had that relationship with my mother. So maybe I did do something right.

I have stopped going to the soccer games in freaking cold weather, freezing my bum off, because she can drive herself now. Her feelings are hurt. She says she can't play if I am not there! What? Why the hell not? She tells me don't you care about how I play? Ummm no not really! I just did it before because I had to, now you are on your own sister!

Aww well, I guess I can't complain too much because I have raised a child who is basically a great person, woman. She loves me unconditionally. Hopefully she won't put me in a "home" when I get old!

Random day

I was talking to my significant other today and I realized this man REALLY, REALLY LOVES me! I knew he loved me but didn't know he LOVED me for me. He said something to me today that just floored me. He said that he would die for me and that I was a part of him, a part of his soul. Just out of the blue like that he says it. We were talking about something totally unrelated. Not that I would want him to die for me, but just the thought that someone has such strong feelings for me really took me aback. We have been going back in forth in our relationship for a long time. Together, apart, together, apart...and so it goes.

He cheated on me with the biggest skank ever and I have had a really hard time forgiving him. I believe I have forgiven him, but it is the forgetting part that I have been having problems with. He has apologized in every way he could think of, but I couldn't get past it for a long time. I know it was because of my body image issues and she was BEAUTIFUL on the outside but disgusting on the inside. But I felt so wronged by it all that I had to bury my feelings, in order to get past the pain. He always tells me that I am unemotional, but what he doesn't realize is that I am emotional, but I have to bury the emotions or I will be truly out of control.

I started working on my weight and improving how I felt about myself and he didn't like that. He felt I was getting "sexy" (and believe me I am no where near sexy now) for someone else. Who the hell else was there but him?! I couldn't convince him of that, so we were apart again. But even when we were apart, we always talked; maybe not everyday, but at least twice a week. So we are always drawn together.

A few months ago we decided we were too old to deal with the BS any longer, either we were together or we would cut it off completely. Around the time we had this conversation, I started having heart and blood pressure problems, and wonders of wonders he did too. I mean literally when my heart would be racing, he would call me and says his was about to come out of his chest. I mean is that a coincidence, kismit or what? Everytime I had a spike in my blood pressure, he did too, at the same time. We took that as a sign that we were supposed to be together, destined for each other. It was really strange that once we spoke to each other or saw each other, our hearts would calm down and go back to normal. We are totally in sync.

So in July 2009, I am packing it up and moving to Miami to be with my heart! Maybe between the two of us we can get our hearts on the same beat! :)

Music

For the past few months I have been in a really bad place, mentally and physically. Before I lost 160 pounds, I was fairly healthy. It seems like since I have lost all the weight, I have been falling apart. So when I fall apart the thing I turn to is music.

I love all kinds of music. I can truly say I have eclectic taste in music. I am just amazed at how different songs can cause different emotions within me. I was listening to my iPod and Sade "Stronger than Pride" came on; it caused me to think about past loves and how I lowered my pride and my standards time after time because of my man at the time. Then "Reminisce" by Pete Rock came on and I thought about when I spent a summer in NYC (Brooklyn) with my grandmother's sister. That was fun and scary for a chick from Texas. Next was Dido with "Thank You" and it reminded me of the good parts of love. Your man meeting you at the door with a drink or comforting words after a rough day. Nothing better than that. Those feelings you have when everything is good with you and your partner. Linkin Park's "In the End", that song just screams out that no matter how hard you try, it sometimes means nothing to anyone. Taylor Swift's "Love Song" reminds me of my first love, talking on the phone all night,and first kisses. That sweet first love. Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent"...that is my theme song. I am independent, maybe too much so. Reggaeton just makes me want to dance. It reminds me of when I was a kid dancing around with my grandparents. Being carefree and happy! Moving with the beat or allowing the beat to move me. Of course, anything from the 80's is on my playlist.

Music has helped me and continues to help me with what seems to be a constant struggle that is my life. Music has saved my life so many times and it continues to strengthen me. So to all the musicians and songwriters out there...Thanks!!

Much Ado

I haven't blogged because I just haven't had much to say lately. I feel like I need to write something, but why is that? I don't know. I feel obligated to write something because I have saved this little bit of space in the cyber world.

Just an update: I was laid off from my job in April, then found a new job in May. Hate the new job. It is so beneath me, but I need something to pay the bills. That is how I am trying to look at things. I am not the least big challenged. So, needless to say I am looking again. I always feel like I can't find a job that fits me and makes me happy. This job I am with has it's perks- I get a company car and company gas card. But that is about it. I feel like I have stepped back into Mayberry RFD. They have NO HR processes in effect. They go by the wims of the CEO/President of the company. It is just a hot mess.

Next update: The girl did not pass the Math and Science TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) tests. She needs to pass both parts of this test so she can graduate from high school. This whole process has pissed me off and frustrated me and her. I mean she could have an A in a class but if she doesn't pass this series of exit exams, then she doesn't graduate. It just sucks!! It has stressed me out so much that it is affecting my blood pressure. So now I am on blood pressure medication. I am trying to calm it down. I have been knitting more and more to try to focus on other things. I made a major layette set for one of my former co workers who is pregnant; blanket, bib, booties, mary jane booties, hat, cardigan, and hand mits. But it still didn't help as much as I had hoped.

Well that is my life for now. I will try to visit blog land more frequently.

Memorial Day

I have been feeling just a general melancholy that I hadn't felt in a long time. I woke up and realized that I have been feeling anger and sadness because it is Memorial Day. I am a "war" widow from the first Gulf War. My husband died December 22, 1990. He did not get to see his child born 2 months later, he did not get to see her first steps, he will not get to teach her how to drive; the list goes on. We did not get to buy our first home together, all because of a senseless war in the 90's. It seems like it never ended for me. When I think about this Iraq War, I feel such anger and rage, that is indescribable. I want to go scream on the tallest building, letting the world know what I feel. My husband was an intellectual. He LOVED learning. He loved school. He just wanted to make a difference in the world with his knowledge. He used the military to get his bachelors, masters, and Ph.D degrees. He did not want to have thousands of dollars in school loans, so the military was a viable option for him. He was able to work on several projects that are still helping soldiers today, however, that brings me little comfort today.

I did not sign up to be a single parent. We purposefully waited 5 years into our marriage to get pregnant. I wanted to finish my bachelors degree and he wanted to finish his masters degree. We waited so we could do it together. As only children, we wanted at least 2 children. I have been robbed of that opportunity. So much I didn't get to do with him because it was always, later, after he retired or later after things settle down. Later never happened for us. The only thing that happened later was military uniforms showing up at my door, telling me my man had been killed stepping on a landmine and there was basically nothing left of him. I guess what also angers me to no end, is the fact that I have no grave to visit, I have no urn with ashes because there was NOTHING LEFT of him! There was no sign that he was ever on this earth except for the life that he and I created together.

So today, I have to deal with looking at mothers, wives, husbands, being told their loved one has been killed in this senseless war. Then we have the people that seem to have forgotten what this day is all about. Everyone pulls out their grills and has a party, but what are they celebrating? Yes, it is great to have a party, but let's remember what we are "celebrating" or remembering...Our fallen soldiers. That is what Memorial Day is about.

When will it ever end? Will we ever stop this war? When will it be over...the senseless killing over oil...or is this really about oil? Does anyone really know why we are at war? I feel like we are stuck there now and if we leave, we will have destroyed a country that isn't ours. I fully support the troops that are there, but I am angry about us even being there. Let's get out as soon as we can to save more grief and sadness for other people.

Rev Jeremiah Wright, Obama's pastor

This is a copy of the letter Rev. Jeremiah Wright wrote to the New York Times. I find it amazing that this letter hasn't been broadcast all over the place. But of course not! I have forgotten what country I live in!



March 11, 2007

Jodi Kantor
The New York Times
9 West 43rd Street
New York,New York 10036-3959

Dear Jodi:

Thank you for engaging in one of the biggest misrepresentations of the truth I have ever seen in sixty-five years. You sat and shared with me for two hours. You told me you were doing a "Spiritual Biography" of Senator Barack Obama. For two hours, I shared with you how I thought he was the most principled individual in public service that I have ever met.For two hours, I talked with you about how idealistic he was. For two hours I shared with you what a genuine human being he was. I told you how incredible he was as a man who was an African American in public service, and as a man who refused to announce his candidacy for President until Carol Moseley Braun indicated one way or the other whether or not she was going to run.I told you what a dreamer he was.

I told you how idealistic he was. We talked about how refreshing it would be for someone who knew about Islam to be in the Oval Office. Your own question to me was, Didn't I think it would be incredible to have somebody in the Oval Office who not only knew about Muslims, but had living and breathing Muslims in his own family? I told you how important it would be to have a man who not only knew the difference between Shiites and Sunnis prior to 9/11/01 in the Oval Office, but also how important it would be to have a man who knew what Sufism was; a man who understood that there were different branches of Judaism; a man who knew the difference between Hasidic Jews, Orthodox Jews, Conservative Jews and Reformed Jews; and a man who was a devout Christian, but who did not prejudge others because they believed something other than what he believed.

I talked about how rare it was to meet a man whose Christianity was not just "in word only." I talked about Barack being a person who lived his faith and did not argue his faith. I talked about Barack as a person who did not draw doctrinal lines in the sand nor consign other people to hell if they did not believe what he believed.Out of a two-hour conversation with you about Barack's spiritual journey and my protesting to you that I had not shaped him nor formed him, that I had not mentored him or made him the man he was, even though I would love to take that credit, you did not print any of that. When I told you, using one of your own Jewish stories from the Hebrew Bible as to how God asked Moses, "What is that in your hand?," that Barack was like that when I met him. Barack had it "in his hand." Barack had in his grasp a uniqueness in terms of his spiritual development that one is hard put to find in the 21st century, and you did not print that.

As I was just starting to say a moment ago, Jodi, out of two hours of conversation I spent approximately five to seven minutes on Barack's taking advice from one of his trusted campaign people and deeming it unwise to make me the media spotlight on the day of his announcing his candidacy for the Presidency and what do you print? You and your editor proceeded to present to the general public a snippet, a printed "sound byte" and a titillating and tantalizing article about his disinviting me to the Invocation on the day of his announcing his candidacy.

I have never been exposed to that kind of duplicitous behavior before, and I want to write you publicly to let you know that I do not approve of it and will not be party to any further smearing of the name, the reputation, the integrity or the character of perhaps this nation's first (and maybe even only) honest candidate offering himself for public service as the person to occupy the Oval Office.Your editor is a sensationalist. For you to even mention that makes me doubt your credibility, and I am looking forward to see how you are going to butcher what else I had to say concerning Senator Obama's "Spiritual Biography."

Our Conference Minister, the Reverend Jane Fisler Hoffman, a white woman who belongs to a Black church that Hannity of "Hannity and Colmes" is trying to trash, set the record straight for you in terms of who I am and in terms of who we are as the church to which Barack has belonged for over twenty years.The president of our denomination, the Reverend John Thomas, has offered to try to help you clarify in your confused head what Trinity Church is even though you spent the entire weekend with us setting me up to interview me for what turned out to be a smear of the Senator; and yet The New York Times continues to roll on making the truth what it wants to be the truth.

I do not remember reading in your article that Barack had apologized for listening to that bad information and bad advice. Did I miss it? Or did your editor cut it out? Either way, you do not have to worry about hearing anything else from me for you to edit or "spin" because you are more interested in journalism than in truth.Forgive me for having a momentary lapse. I forgot that The New York Times was leading the bandwagon in trumpeting why it is we should have gone into an illegal war. The New York Times became George Bush and the Republican Party's national "blog." The New York Times played a role in the outing of Valerie Plame. I do not know why I thought The New York Times had actually repented and was going to exhibit a different kind of behavior.Maybe it was my faith in the Jewish Holy Day of Roshashana. Maybe it was my being caught up in the euphoria of the Season of Lent; but whatever it is or was, I was sadly mistaken. There is no repentance on the part of The New York Times.

There is no integrity when it comes to The Times. You should do well with that paper, Jodi. You looked me straight in my face and told me a lie!

Sincerely and respectfully yours,

Reverend Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr., Senior Pastor
Trinity United Church of Christ

My Job in a new light

I was supposed to be off from work today, but my manager told me he NEEDED me to come in today. So I told him I would but just for a few hours. So I get up and go to work. There is ALWAYS drama there! The people act worse than high schoolers. Telling on each other, complaining about one thing or another. It is just draining! I walk in today and once again, I am slammed with complainers before I can even get to my office. Oh by the way, I am a HR Manager. So the whiners attack with their complaints and problems. I just wasn't in the mood for it. Oh and somehow they have gotten my cell phone number!! WTF!! So I walk to my office feeling more pissed off than ever. My manager comes in and says it is time for your annual review. WHAT?! I have only been with the organization for 3 months. So he goes over my review, which overall was VERY good. Then he says, we get to the finance part of it. I was like what do you mean finances? He says "oh you didn't know?" Ummm know what?? I got a raise AND a MAJOR BONUS!! Can i tell you that my outlook on my job has completely changed?! I was totally shocked. My manager recognized how hard I have been working and actually said he appreciated it. It made me feel sooo much better. I still have to work on the whiners, but with a few more cho chos in my pocket, I can handle anything!! :)

I have lost my mind!!

I want to make a blanket for myself. I have been making things for everyone else, so I figured now is the time to make something for me. I have been wanting to visit this yarn store in my neighborhood for the past year. I finally took the time today to go and visit. I LOVED this place. It had every kind of yarn you could think of. I usually go to Hobby Lobby, Michael's, or Joann to get my yarn, but usually these yarns are synthetic and don't always feel good on the skin. They are less expensive but don't feel as good. Synthetic yarns are made usually from petroleum products, which as you know, are endangering the environment. I wanted to try some REAL yarn...something natural and made organically, less harmful to the environment. I found it at this yarn shop!!

Okay here is the part where I have lost my mind. I bought 8 skeins of yard for $145.00. See I have lost my mind!! I don't know what I was thinking when I said okay I'll take it. I had immediate buyers remorse. The yarn feels so good and I know it will make me a great blanket but oh man it is so expensive. I am thinking of taking it all back and just buying my cheaper yarn. But oh I am so sad to part with this yarn. Should I or should I not take it back?!!

Okay this is getting ugly!

So now Obama is having to denounce his minister because of what his minister said in church?! WHAT?! I am confused. Since when did someone else's thoughts become yours, if you are just listening to what they are saying? Is this part of the Clinton political machine to discredit Obama? Should we all be penalized because of what someone else said, in a classroom, in church, at work? I am really upset by all of this. The Clintons were at the top of my list for great people, but now I am not so sure. I mean was Bill's presidency all a ruse? He did a great job while president, but did he lie to all of us to get there? It appears he did...are the true Bill and Hillary coming out? I am so disappointed by how this election is going on the democratic side of things. I am FULLY supporting Obama, but I am afraid all this democratic politicking is going to back fire and we will have McCain in office...then it will be 4 more years of hell! It was formally announced on Friday, March 14th, that we were in a recession. Where the hell have they been?!! We have been in a dayum recession for the past 7 years. People are losing their homes that they have worked really hard for because of a stupid ass war! I am so fed up! People don't have health insurance and are having to file for bankruptcy, which the laws are completely ludicrous, but that is another blog. I am just tired of how the United States treats its citizens and I am afraid that we may possibly be stuck with another republican in the White House and we will have a full fledge depression.
VOTE PEOPLE! Make your voices heard!

Parents

My parents. Wow what can I say! Growing up they were strict as hell! They were always saying what I couldn't do, which outnumbered the things I could do. I felt oppressed and stifled. Good grades were a must, nothing under a B. I was lucky, because learning came easy for me. I didn't realize the adversity they were struggling with. Surviving in the late 60's and 70's was hard, but to come from another country in addition to that was extra hard. As I know now. They did the best they could with me. I ran away from them at 17, through marriage. Too YOUNG!! But I wanted to be on my own and life without someone telling me NO all the time. Now, I see, as a parent, what they were trying to protect me from...LIFE! My parents have been married for 42 years...43 in July of this year. Their marriage has survived domestic violence, economic recession, discrimination, infidelity, and time. They have done what most people today can't do...stick together no matter what. I don't know what the difference in marriage now as opposed to then, but whatever their formula is, it has worked.
So to my dear parents I want to say THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU!! You made me what I am today and I appreciate you both!!

Babies

I am surrounded by beautiful babies. My really good friend had twin boys, one year ago on March 2; a friend in DC had a baby boy in Dec; and my friend Tanya had a baby girl in Dec also. I have been knitting baby booties, baby blankets, hats and bibs. I have become enamored with baby knitting. The tiny little things that seem to swallow up the baby wrapped in it. I feel like my hand made things are not that great and I should buy something in addition and because people I gift them to don't use them. They tell me, "Oh it is so pretty I don't want to use it." But I want you to use it. I want to know I gave you something that is usable and you will think of me when you use it. So I want to see food and throw up stains on my bibs people. It will hold up and last a long time. Don't worry, I can make more things if you want me to, but use what I give you. :)

Knitting again

Here it is!

Over the holidays, I was on a knitting frenzy as I have told you before. I finally got some pictures of the throw I made for my friend's grandmother. Her grandmother reminds me so much of my beloved grandmother, so I made her this throw. I wanted to give her something that will keep her warm in the cold DC winter. My friend's mother thought I bought it. Maybe I need to make her mom one too!

I hope you enjoy it N and that you think of me when you use it! LOVE YOU LOTS!!!

Dominican Hairdressers

Everyone knows that Dominicans do the best hair in the world! I had heard this for many years. Several of my friends get their hair done by Dominican stylists and I always admired their hair. The way they can get the kinkiest hair straight with a blow dryer and a round brush, is nothing short of a miracle. And it LASTS forever.

So after hearing and seeing the results of the "rolos" o "flip", I decided I had to find a Dominican stylist. So with the help of the wonderful internet, I found a website that has Dominican stylists or stylist that are trained in the Dominican method. Well, being in North Texas, means there are very few Dominicans. However, I was lucky enough to find a stylist really close to me that was trained in the Dominician method.

I treated myself, for Valentine's Day, to a hair day. This was the second time I have been to this stylist. She trained under a Dominican stylist in Washington, DC. DC and NYC have THE BEST Dominican stylists outside of DR. So I went today to get my hair done. It was the greatest experience ever. My hair feels sooo good. It makes me feel so great to have a beautiful head of hair!!

YAY DR and the rolos y flips!!!

Work!

I do not want to go to work tomorrow! Isn't that sad to say? I know there are millions of people out there who want to work and here I am, ungrateful me, saying I don't want to go.

I really dislike this job but I have to go. I have to work. Just a few short months ago, I was looking for a job, begging for a job. So I took this job just cuz no one else was offering. I needed money. I feel like I settled and it wasn't a good settle either. I just feel overwhelmed and out of my element. I don't feel as though I was trained properly...Just 7 weeks of BS! I don't know. I just don't like it.

I am still looking for something else and praying I can hold on until I can find something else.

No child left behind...Are they sure about that?!

This whole no child left behind had really pissed me off. I think it is a ridiculous law that doesn't help any student. If anything it encourages more kids to drop out because they get discouraged about not passing the test. Teachers are teaching according to the test and not actual abstact thinking or logical thinking. You have to pass these "benchmark" tests or they won't pass their classes, nor will they graduate high school. How is this encouraging to continue your education? I know if I had been under the pressure that kids are under today to pass, I probably would have said forget it and just dropped out. I am a horrible test taker and unfortunately, my daughter had developed the same gene.

My 17 y.o. daughter suffers from ulcers and stress because she is constantly worried about the dreaded TAKS test (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills). She has almost given up all hope of going to college because she feels like she won't be able to pass the test to graduate. She had practically given up in school because her confidence has been shot to hell each time she flunks a portion of that test. I keep trying to be encouraging and tell her to try her best but she comes back with why because my class work means nothing. A kid could have straight A's in classes but if she flunks the TAKS test, they still flunk the class. What kind of encouragement is that?

I think about how G.H.W. Bush has messed up the education system for the whole country, that started when he was gov of Texas. I just don't understand. I just want my kid to graduate and move on with her life...out of my house.

Friendship Knitting

Over the years I have met some truly wonderful people. I moved to DC in 2006 to work a temp job for a conservation organization. I had lived in DC previously with disasterous results. But that is a different post. While I was there in DC I met a wonderful lady who took me under her wing.

She is originally from China and told me the hard time she had when she came to the United States. She lived in California at first and was basically a slave for a wealthy family. She was in the US to attend university, but they made it very difficult for her to do that. But she continued anyway. They decided to move to DC and "asked" her to move with them. She moved with them and went to university in DC, in between "working" for them. One day, she got fed up with them and quit. She found herself jobless and homeless for a little while. But she still continued on with her education.

Fast forward some years. She meets a nice man and gets married. She has a baby girl and then has a baby boy a few years later. Her baby boy died when he was 11 months and she was devestated. It was all due to careless mistakes of medical personnel. Once again that is another post. She thought nothing in her life was as horrible as that. I agree with her...but her faith never waivered. After baby boy's death she decided she did not want any more children, although her husband wanted to try one more time. So she got pregnant and delivered a healthy bouncing baby boy December 4, 2007.

So out come the knitting needles again and this is what I came up with.





This is for her new baby boy. This is for her to wrap her new baby up in and help him feel safe like she made me feel while I was there.

Thanks Z!!!

Politics

Okay as I have watched debate after debate, primaries (is that a word?) and caucuses all over the country, I have realized, I HATE POLITICS!! I absolutely hate it. I have been trying to figure out who I want to vote for president. We have/had some great candidates. I was really leaning towards John Edwards because he is the only one talk about "fixing" things here in the U.S. and not half a world away. I know it is selfish of me to want to focus on just the U.S., but I am tired of all my tax dollars going to a war that is bogus. G.H.W.B played us all. He was waiting for the opportunity to "avenge" his father, but it has been at the expense of the U.S. What about the unemployment rate (of which I was a part of until recently), what about the housing foreclosures, and what about New Orleans? I am tired of struggling. Things were really good with Bill and it has gone to hell in a hand basket over the last 8 years. Can I survive the next 11 months? Can Americans wake up and realize that we are in trouble? The world hates us. I am embarrassed to show my passport in other countries because they all hate us. "They" look at me with such distain and mistrust, like I am the one that started the war. Really what I want to say is, " I agree with you! We suck!", but I have to show some loyalty to my country so I just keep my mouth shut and move on in the line.

Now as for the upcoming presidental election, now that John has backed out of the election, I am leaning towards Barack for president. I was going back and forth between Barack and Hillary, but lately Hillary has turned me off. She is definitely NO Bill! I have not liked her comments of late on lots of issues and the way her campaign is going. She has become bitchy. I don't like to use that word randomly because most people think women who have confidence and power are bitchy. But I think she is trying to hard to prove she is tough and it has come across wrong. I also don't like what she has to say about pulling out of Iraq and about the U.S. economy. Barack seems to have a real agenda and plan and I like that.

I just want us out of Iraq, our economy back on track, and our physical environment(ecologically) corrected. I want to feel safe financially, physically and emotionally again. I don't feel that way now. I feel like I am on a constant seesaw all the time. So I want the politicking (is that a word too??) to end and the action to begin. We need to get out and vote in record numbers. Typically Texas has been a republican state and I am sure it will continue to be so, but we democrats have GOT to get out and vote. It can be for Hillary or Barack (preferably Barack) but we cannot withstand another republican president. I want more a more positive national and global agenda. We need to fix our world reputation and we can't do that with a republican in office.

VOTE PEOPLE!!

Tribute to my friend

When I was a VERY young military wife, living in Hawai'i and then Guam, I made a friend named Tanya. I was just 17 years old and Tanya was a worldly 19. We quickly bonded. She showed me how to manuver the military world as an officer's wife. She had been one 2 years longer than I, so I thought she was the know all for everything Military. The military culture is unlike any other, especially for an officer's wife. As an officer's wife, you are expected to host parties, run errands, smooze with your spouse's commanding officer and their spouse. You are supposed to know EVERYTHING military. I just thought I was "just" going to be a wife and live a glamorous, vagabond life. HOW WRONG WAS I?!

Well, along comes Tanya. She sees I am struggling under the pressure of it all and she offers to help me. In getting to know her, I found out she was from the same town in Louisiana as many of my relatives. So we struck up a quick and lasting friendship. Even though we ended up, at times, in different parts of the world and the U.S., we still stayed in close contact. She was there for my graduation from college. I was there when she suffered through her numerous miscarriages. She was truly my friend.

When my husband died, Tanya was there for me. When my baby was born 2 months later, she was there for me. Over the years Tanya wanted a baby really bad. She tried and tried and ended up having 9 miscarriages over the years. I felt so bad because here I was: 1) taking birth control to keep from having a baby and 2) getting pregnant when I totally didn't want to and wasn't ready. She knew this but still stayed by my side. She checked on me constantly, came to town to help me through my husband's funeral, even though there were very few pieces of him left. She loved me and I loved her as my sister in the military; even though my membership card had been revoked due to death.

As the years went on, our phone calls became less frequent and our letters became once a year Christmas cards. But everytime we reconnected, it was like we had never been apart or out of touch. She did not hold grudges, nor did she make me feel bad because I was a terrible friend. She understood I could not emotionally deal with her military life after mine had ended, and she still loved me!

I found out last week my sister friend died giving birth to the baby she wanted so badly over a month ago. She was 42 years old. She had been waiting over 20 years to have her baby. She had her baby but gave up her life to do so. Her husband is devestated. They had been married for 25 years. After a while, children was not as important to him as they were to Tanya. But he supported her in every way he could. He loved her enough to try to give her what she wanted. He doesn't know what to do with a newborn baby. I called him to checked on him and he just sobbed. Tanya LOVED Mardi Gras. This year is going to be especially hard on all of us because Mardi Gras was Tanya's christmas! So I am going to Louisiana this weekend to see my new niece and to see my "brother". Help him as much as his wife helped me over the years.

Tanya, I am sorry I wasn't there for you! I love you and miss you Girl! But know I am going to be there for your baby girl and she will know what a special and giving person you were!

So my mission is to reconnect to my friends and appreciate them and not take them for granted as I have in the past.

Laisser le bon temps rouleau! Happy Mardi Gras Tanya!